• TOMMY SHELBY IMAGINES •

The Wife (4)

FOUR | LONLEY, I AM SO LONELY

Meet Benjamin Coates

I hate hotels. I mean, I like them when they're in France and the concierge's name is Henry but the H is silent and he is always so enthusiastic. I love hotels with a view overlooking the great blue sea, and the nudists on the beach and the champagne bottles and bright pink beach towels. I especially love that no one truly knows who I am.

But as I sit in my suite and stare at crack under my door, I see people standing and walking around my room. I fucking hate it here. I sit in the hotel in Small Heath and order room service. A bottle of whiskey and some toast with a small plate of butter. That'll suffice.

Its been days since I last really spoke to Tommy. after what happened in his office, I gathered my things and walked away from the house. Thomas was livid, and as a result of his temper tantrum, he stands outside of my window every morning after asking the hotel staff to bring up my favourite flowers to me. Although I love fresh flowers, I find myself lodging the bouquet out of the window, where an optimistic Thomas Shelby leans against his car door.

"Joanna!" He calls! "Oi! I'll burn the bloody hotel down if I have to."

"Do it!" I shout, waking up the neighbours. "Do it! You bastard!"

It was all fun and games with Thomas until night time. I can hold my own up until then. I typically order a bottle of wine, red. Drink it until the bottle ended up slipping out of my hand and spilling all over the cheap carpet woven in. I'm usually too drunk to move my legs, and I end up collapsing on the couch until the morning.

I stumbled onto the ground and grabbed the telephone. Humming and smirking, I rang to Benjamin Coates. The man I had an incredibly good time with in France.

The line picks up, and I hear another line pick up as well. I assume nothing of it and smile, "Bonjour." I coo, my voice laced with want and desire.

Benjamin, a doctor who was able to somehow see my broken heart and repair it with love. A love so passionate and divine I almost never came back to Birmingham. Apart of me still remains with Bennie, he was my everything for those months I was away.

"Salut." The man says. "Erm, is this Jo–"

"Yes." I crumble, leaning against the couch now I run my hand over my face. "You remember me, don't you?"

"How could I ever forget you." He whispered.

He is an American man. From New York City, but he grew up in Montana. Benjamin has no children, but he's got enough farm animals in Montana to teach him to be gentle and kind. He is tall, so tall that I hurt my toes kissing him so much. I was always on my tippy-toes and he loved it. He used to say 'I'm sure I can put you in my pocket and take you home with me' and that melted me.
Benjamin only liked being called Bennie, but I refused because I loved his name so much. He was tall and lean, but muscular and handsome in that way. He had chest hair, and arm hair, and facial hair.  I found myself hurrying my nose in his chest hair every morning, his smell was so intoxicating. It drove me mad. He wore suits too much, but he wore it well. He knew how to dance, and he was good at everything. Benjamin cherished me, and I cherished him.

He and I had an affair, cheating on our partners like they didn't mean a thing to us. I shut my eyes as my fingers find my lips, I softly sigh, remembering his touch, so rough and needing. He needed me, just like I needed him. We used each other, and it was beautiful.

"Benjamin." I breathed, feeling my thighs ache.

In a rush, I remembered it all. Being introduced to Benjamin by the barmaid who politely pointed him out. Him lower his hat for me. I giggled, drunk off of champagne. He called me sweetheart, and I assured him I wasn't his sweetheart. He called me pretty, and I blushed. Because my God was he so striking and so handsome. But I also blushed because Benjamin gave me the attention I was so desperately needing from my husband. Who, of course, failed to provide me with love. Dancing under the starlights, kissing in the sea, making love on the beach that evening. Waking up to each other, holding each other. Stripping away our truths and accepting one another. It was all so magical until finally, our trip came to an end. He had to be the brain surgeon he was, and I received a pleading letter from Thomas. We quickly departed.

"I miss you so much..." He tells me in a low voice. "I thought you weren't going to call."

I shake my head, "I wasn't going to. I mean, I didn't intend to."

"Because you wanted to fix things?" He asked. "With him."

"Yessss." I reach over and grab the bottle of wine. I've got a few drops left.

"I guess that didn't work out, considering you're drunk and dialling for me."

I stay silent as I take another gulp of my drink. I lick my lips, biting down on my bottom lip as I stare into the hallway of my room. A looming sense of loneliness punched me in gut, propelling me into feeling sorry for myself. My throat closed and I put down the phone for a moment to rub my burning eyes.

"Benjamin..." I start, but he interrupts me.

"I hope you're taking care of yourself, Joanna." He adds softly.

Just as my eyes shut, a tear rolls down my cheek. I put the phone down and lay down on the carpet, breaking into a steady sob until I fall asleep.

I awake to the curtains being dragged open and what little sunlight broke through did with a vengeance, the sunlight burned my eyes. I moaned and rolled onto my other side, where a fat and smelly dog licks me from my cheek up to my mouth.

I gasp, and sit up, my hair sticks to my face and I am on my feet looking down at Cyril. The door to my hotel is open and Cyril – the brute that lives with Thomas, has found his way to my hotel. I assure myself I'm dreaming and turn around to the bed where Thomas Shelby in the flesh sits. He's got his hands on his knees and is running his hands up and down his thigh, staring at me with a burning anger. I lose balance immediately and mumble something, I blink, and stare at Thomas who has also somehow made his way to my hotel room.

"What are you–"

I look to my left and see an array of flowers at my bedside table. My eyes move back to Tommy's, and I find him with watery eyes.

"I assumed you came back because you want things to work between you and I." He said with an unsteady voice. I hold my breath, watching how lost he is. "You've been gone for four days, Joanna. Please, spare me." He softly gestures his heart. I almost break into a sob! "Please... Just tell me what you want."

He catches a tear from falling and covers his eyes. My bladder harasses me to use the bathroom, and i know I need to brush my teeth before I start talking. I need to sober up, most importantly.

I quickly raise one finger and scurry off into the bathroom. I shut the door on Cyril, who tries to follow me and press my palms up against the door.

"Holy shit." I whisper, and spin around. I press my back to the door and sink to the floor. My hand crashes on my thumping heart, and I remind myself to breathe. My face beats hot, "Holy shit."

Pls make sure to like and comment bc honestly the only reason I continued this was because of a comment encouraging me heheeheheh
Also are we #TeamTommy
Or #TeamBennie