Complicated (r.j.lupin)

letters

"So let me get this straight...you took an unbreakable vow to protect me throughout life?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Black wasn't sure he would survive the war and...he wanted you looked after"

They had been sat in his office for over an hour whilst she repeated the same questions to him over and over until the answered made sense in her head.

"Oh wow...that's why you didn't want me to know Remus...because he was a werewolf" she whispered in disbelief. "And that's why you saved me the day of the quidditch final if I die then...then so do you"

"Actually that wasn't what was going through my mind when I saved you Caitlin." he shook his head, "Just because I am bound to your protection, doesn't mean I don't care for you"

She nodded in understanding, her eyes shooting back and forth in comprehension. 

"You said the other day...when Lupin left, that you weren't loved, that's what I was trying to tell you, he loved you, a lot" he said gently, leaning forward in his seat.

"Apparently so" Caitlin agreed. "I-I need to go...the train will be here soon"

"Very well" he nodded sharply, standing up and walking her to the door.

"Thankyou" she whispered, turning her body to face him as he gave her a confused look, "You must have cared for him to do that, and you must of cared for me to, so thanks". She stood on her tiptoes and placed a light kiss against his ageing cheek. "See you around Snivellous"

"Goodbye Kingsley" he nodded again, a small smile curling at his thin lips as he watched her walk down the dungeon corridor.

"Shit!" She exclaimed, spinning back round and running towards him.

"You want it don't you?" he sighed.

"Yes...after everything, I suppose it will help" she replied expectantly, waiting for him to retrieve it for her.

Walking down to the train she held the necklace in the palm of her hand, looking down at it as memories of New year's eve came flooding back and her eyes pooled with tears;

"It's to show that the moon isn't the centre of my life but...um...you are"

 She saw the clasp that had snapped and recalled the claw that swung across her body and the metal snapping against her neck. The screams and pleads of Sirius, begging her to go and the piercing hole that cut through the sky coming from Remus.

"Oh my god" Liv breathed next to her, "You found it?"

"Snape did" Caitlin sniffed, wiping her tears away with her sleeve, "I'm SO SICK of crying"

It felt like all she had done for the last three days was cry, after collapsing into Snape the day Remus left, she felt as if she hadn't stopped since. It was draining and she was done with it.

"It's understandable though" Liv nodded kindly.

"No...from now on I won't cry over him again" she stated determinedly. "And this thing, that is just a memory of the last year and how he hurt me, it will be staying in the bottom of my suitcase and I'll never look at it again"

"Okay then" Liv scoffed, knowing full well that wouldn't last long.

"No I'm serious Liv! What's the point in being sad? He doesn't want me...he made that very clear, I'm done...I'm done with him, I'm done with this necklace, I'm done with all of it"