Complicated (r.j.lupin)

Mixed emotions

Soft blankets, feather light pillows and a warm body holding her against their chest.

Caitlin had forced herself to wake up early, to make sure Remus was tended to. She quite liked the idea of taking care of him, after all of the times he had for her, it was now her turn.

She carefully lifted his arm off her waist and placed it at his side, admiring his gorgeous sleeping complexion for a moment and then shuffling herself out of his embracing. She watched as he unknowing pulled a disappointed face at the loss of touch and warmth but was too tired and weak to wake himself up.

She threw his blue cardigan over her small frame and hugged it against her skin happily as she left the room and made her way down the creaking stairs. The smell of tea and chocolate filling her sense pleasantly as she played with the hem of his cardigan.

She entered the kitchen and started gathering her supplies, making food and tea and laying them all out on a tray to take back up stairs. She looked down at her creation proudly until her face dropped into a frown.

"Cutlery" she sighed, spinning round and looking at the three drawers in front of her, "I really need to start getting familiar with this god damn kitchen"

She pulled open the first drawer carefully, as not to wake the sleeping wolf upstairs and was greeted by a mixture of different bits and bobs. Parchment, quills, empty pots of inks, spello-tape and a half eaten bar of chocolate.

"Moony... you slob" Caitlin giggled, shaking her head and going for the next drawer. The drawer that consisted of old, worn tea towels and a letter lay on top. She went to shut it but with the draft coming through the crack in the ceiling the letter flew onto the ground delicately as she let out an annoyed groan.

Leaning down to pick up the now open piece of folded parchment she saw, 

Dear Caitlin,

I love you,

Always have done and always will do

"I guess this is the letter he was on about" she sighed, lowering herself down into the kitchen chair and reading his crumpled page.

She saw where his tears had fallen, where his hand had shook when writing. She saw how his lettering became messier when he wrote 'I love you' or 'I miss you'.

Her heart ached when reading his desperate words.

You were my compass, now I'm lost.

I'm so lost.

All my love,

Your Moony

Xxx

"Jesus Christ Rem" She sniffed, placing the letter on the table and wiping the tears from her eyes.

She felt as though all of that was past them, but upon reading that letter it all came flooding back. She now knew exactly how he felt. Every time she had wished he was feeling the same pain she was...she had no idea he was feeling that much.

She had no idea he felt the exact same as she did. Lost.

"Caitlin??" Came Remus' hoarse voice from the bedroom, shuffling about on the bed and letting out groans of pain.

"Yeah...yeah I'm coming, stay up there" She called, abruptly wiping her way her last tear and giving her head a quick shake before shoving the letter back in it's drawer and taking the tray upstairs.

She got to the door, passing the mirror in the corridor and realising her face was all red and blotchy from crying. It was too late to turn back so she just continued, in hope his tired state would not pick it up.