CHOICES (Completed)

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“It was easier to know, than to explain why I knew it.” I whisper slowly. Trevor smiles lazily, and chuckles looking down.

“You’re more in love with Sherlock than Hardin, it would seem.” The question still has me baffled, and not knowing the exact answer makes me even more so.

I assume just like every other thing between Trevor and me, even this has to remain inexplicable. We keep swaying side to side gently, and I move my hand from his shoulder to behind his neck, just above his collar, lightly touching his hair.

“Do you still hate me?” I ask him. I can’t forget the way we left things. And I can’t have him hate me.

“I never hated you.” He twirls me, moving our joined hands over my head and I simply follow his lead. Once again, he rests my back against his chest, rocking us gently.

“It felt like you did.”

“You feel a lot of things, Theresa. Not all of them are real.” I feel his voice against my ear and his words against my guards. I did feel a lot of things and now that he has said this, I can’t help but think which ones really were true.

I turn slowly within his embrace, returning my hand on his neck and he puts his around my waist. His blue eyes shimmer in seriousness and for the millionth time I get consumed by this passion extending between us, being this close to him.

“Is this?” I breathe out. “Real?”

“It is.” His voice matches mine and now I know he’s been feeling it too.

None of us speak again for a long time and the song changes to Ed Sheeran’s All Of The Stars, the instrumental rendition, all the more soulful.

Perfect.

I remember reading the book, and then staring at the wall for an hour straight, lost and emotional. I remember the movie the last time I had seen it, back in Cambridge and always cried in the ending when Hazel got the letter. Always. And this song had multiplied all of it.

My thoughts are stars, I cannot fathom into constellations.

I remember our little literary moment, back in the tower and I smile. He turns me around, and then then dips me, as I clutch onto his arm and neck to support myself.

I look up to him, who is grinning himself. His blue eyes gazing into mine and this position holds so much more warmth. I know he has remembered about the same and I laugh lightly, to which his smile widens into a toothy smile.

And this is us. No matter how bad things get, we always manage to smile together. And this is what’s different. Because Hardin and I, would rip each other’s throats out. Slap, break lockets, puncture basketballs and splash coffee.

“Look at us, who would believe we had a fight.”

Trevor speaks, with a chuckle and my laugh subsides into a sad smile. He pulls me up again and I look at him silently.

“I wouldn’t, for one. We really did that?”

“We did a lot of things, Theresa. We fought off pervert jerks, we snuck into libraries, slept in an astronomy tower, shared gory details of the life histroy, we kissed and did not tell, we fought and now danced.

Also, you stole my favourite hoodie. So that’s quite a beautiful list.” I laugh lightly yet again, and every moment of ours comes crashing down before me.

“It is.” I look at his face, crafted with meticulous male beauty, bathed in the lights, gazing at me softly.

“You’re beautiful.” He says softly and his eyes carry so much of honesty as both of our faces get serious and looking at each other stoically. The compliment though, stirs me completely.