CHOICES (Completed)

QUICKSAND

I never know Hardin was capable of hating so passionately. I wish, desperately wish I didn’t have to love him. Billions of people in the world, anyone, but not, him.

Why him.

I need to go. I need to get myself away from his unbearable presence. The bomb exploded. Hardin blew up. And I shattered.

Hardin has hated me enough for a lifetime. And I have loved him enough, for a lifetime too. Now no more, of either.

I silently walk up to him. Bringing my voice into my throat. Picking up my pieces, and holding them together.

“You were right, you’re so fucked up, Hardin and it’s no surprise that no one loves you, your parents, Brit, me, no one! And that’s how you’ll always be.”

A hiccup cuts through my voice and he looks at me with hidden anguish, as if every word burns him. And I want it to. I know he is not invincible. He is not insensitive to pain. And him choosing not to feel it, will not deliver him from it.

“Loving you was the biggest curse of my life.

I let this happen. I knew this was you, and I loved you with it, so I, let, this, happen, to, me. ALL JUST FOR YOU!”

I wish I had left him alone. Left him alone to hurt himself, and others. I am a fucking parasite and now I’m thrown off into the gutter. The entire room is silent and I can’t stand it anymore. I breathe deeply through my words. But it doesn’t steal away the pain.

I hate myself. And I feel like punishing myself for it.

How’s that for more?

That’s all there could be.

“I’m a disappointment to myself that I ever loved you.”

I have indeed become once again, the girl who’s a disappointment, who is rejected and alone and whom no one can ever love.

Perhaps I am it. Maybe I was it, all along.

“But-“

I walk around, to face him square in the face, and hold my head high. I glare his deceitful hazel eyes with my own ardent ones. And I make it a point to ensure that he hears me well.

“-don’t you dare fucking believe that I’ll let you off, just like that. What you have done- you are going to a prison cell, or a psych ward for it. Count, your fucking days, Scott.”

I turn and leave, my heavy legs shaking carrying me away from the only man I ever loved.

I pass the hallway storming on, not at all letting fall off.

I find an empty hall, entering it with lightning sleep and lean against the wall. I slowly slide down to my knees, crying my heart out, still numb and shocked by the events.

Everything inside of me burns and I feel I’m going to be sick to my stomach.

My eyes turn sore and sting due to excessive crying. I feel a hand holding me across my waist and my back is suddenly pulled against a chest.

His presence, after everything, makes me cry even harder and he slides his other hand across my shoulders, almost as if to hold my broken pieces together.

I sob out, with my back resting on his front, and holding his arm, tightly for a long time, before finding my voice again.

“I always hated that you were always right. I did deserve it-“ He simply holds me, not uttering anything for the longest time.