CHOICES (Completed)

REALITY CHECK

I stand there, shell shocked and grieving. No amount of self loathing could have countered this. I turn around slowly, to see Hardin, still wincing, his hand on his shoulder and I walk up to him.

“You okay?” He rotates his arm, and his face twists painfully.

“I have the finals tomorrow, fuck!” I wipe off the blood on his face, with my sleeve, and my conscience pricks me even worse when I remember whose t-shirt I had on. The irony is brutal. And it’s on me. Everything is, in fact.

I fucked us up. All three of us.

“Hardin, I need to tell you som-“

“Tomorrow. After the win. I’ve had my fill for today.”

He grunts once more in pain, before taking me in an embrace, and I wrap my arms around his neck, crying silently, the strong cold wind hitting us both on the empty ground.

“I love you.” He whispers into my hair, and I break down further.

I need him to know. And when he does, he will hate me. All this while I was pining to believe that all is not lost. And now I realise that it is. This is the end.

For all three of us. There’s no revival after. Trevor is gone. This is the only time I have left with Hardin and I shut my eyes tight, pulling him closer and inhaling in his scent. It seems that I am always getting a prior knowledge of all my losses and I have to mourn them even before I have actually lost them.

Drops of tears fall off, as I hold on to the last moments I get with him, where he embraces all of me, with love.

I love you, Hardin.

*

“Tessa, could you remind me the final dates for felicitations?”

“That’d be the 12th sir.”

“That’s four days after right?”

“Five, actually professor.” Collins is striding along the bustling hallway and I am practically jogging to keep up.

“Tch, I must have my schedule messed up. Tell me the drill.”

“Finals end in the evening, sir. Followed by a closing ceremony tomorrow and then a farewell brunch the day after. Official felicitations two days after.”

“Right okay, print out a copy for me and get the closing addressing ready.”

“The what, sir?” I pause, standing confused and Collins stops to turn around, looking at me.

“The chair of the council is supposed to give an addressing after the dean closes the tournament officially.”

“So then sir Trevor-“

“Trevor, will be up, with the team, which is why you’ll have to do it. So write it down.”

I nod and Collins walks away, leaving me standing with a stack of papers and feeling lonelier than ever in an overcrowded hallway.

Finals begin in half an hour and the rush is on the peak.

Lily is on the football field, probably with Steve. She had sat up with me all night, constantly checking up if I needed anything. And I don’t want to trouble her anymore. The only thing I can think of, is talking to Hardin.

Preferably after the match, so that he isn’t distracted.

As for Trevor, I haven’t seen him since yesterday, and after the way things were left, I don’t even expect to, anymore. I am trying to get accustomed to being alone. Which I will be, shortly.

I could use some coffee. I have barely had any sleep last night and I need to keep my eyes open. I walk my way over to the cafeteria, and shake off the looks people are giving me.

I turn a bit conscious as I look down to check if my T-shirt is tucked in properly. I rub the sleeve over my wrist nervously and keep walking. I’m probably looking like a zombie, after last night.

You get all cranky when you haven’t slept.

I close my eyes, and force his voice out of my head. There’s no point in remembering him, Tessa. Everyone has the limit, and frankly Trevor has surprised me with his being this far already.

But the looks are getting creepier now. I notice some sneering, and murmuring and I turn around to catch them avert their gazes or laugh mockingly. I’m not getting a good feeling about this. I increase my pace and run into someone, stumbling back a bit.

“Oh, look who it is. Our very own superstar.” Victoria Secret’s super sweet voice breaks out and I glare at her.

I am too tired emotionally, but I’m not going to let her crawl all over me. Especially after all she did. Atleast seventy three percent of the damage was due to her, if not all.

“Shut it, you psych-head! I know you spiked the drink. Couldn’t throw yourself over Hardin, could you? At least you had the brains to know that he’ll have to be drunk and drugged, to be with you.” Her face is taken aback, as is everyone else’s around the hallway and a sudden eerie silence descends.

“You’re in no position to flip out accusations, you whore. And frankly, I’m not in the mood for argument. I was quite impressed actually. Who knew you had such a wild side.”

She smirks evilly and I resist the urge to smack her over-painted face down and pace a fudging lawnmower-no a bulldozer over it. She is such a waste of space, her existence makes me mad.

“Ha, you don’t believe me? Look for yourself. You’ve got some mad skills, honey.”

She shoves a cell phone in my face and I pale out. I grab the device and look at it. My eyes widen and my breath chokes in my lungs. How can this-

“This is the perfect profession, you’d make such an amazing pornstar, sweetheart.”

I feel like I’m falling from a hundred floors above. I am looking down at a video, and I am in it. With some gruffly, rugged guy I have never, ever seen before in my life. I am all over him, both all bare.

It is gross, and by the looks of it, it is a complete sex tape. I throw down the cell phone on the ground, unable to see it any longer.

This is not happening. This is not happening to me. I feel my insides getting dry, like they’ve been deprived of all air.

The shock of it all, is still lingering for me to start feeling the pain.

“Where did you learn to work that tongue, girl, because it was ew, gross.” Her voice falls like a chalk screeching on the wall, and I realise.

Everyone’s seen it. That was what the looks, the jeering all about. My head pounds and my knees shake and I look up to find Sofia laughing. I feel so angry, so ashamed. I want to kill her, and I want to kill myself.

“You didn’t think you just escaped everything and turned out the hero, did you? Slapping Hardin, insulting me, stealing the chair position from me?”

Tears sting my eyes, and I dig my nails into the flesh of my palms, trying to hold myself together. My thighs turn wobbly and I feel the air choking me.

“You’r-e, sick.” My voice comes out terrible, furious and I feel like throwing up.

“Oh no sweetie, I haven’t even started on sick. You have it in you to hear it? The truth?”

Do you have it in you to hear the truth?

Truth, the only thing that might hurt just as much as hope, if not more.

 

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