CHOICES (Completed)

SO MUCH FOR PEACE

“I, hence declare the Annual Inter Collegiate Sports Gala, open!”

Unanimous, loud cheers break out, and the whole field literally shakes with energy. The teams are introduced and they all take a lap around the field, lead by the captains, bearing the torches, lit by Dean Brandon. Music booms in the air, the audience howling and hooting all over the bleachers.

It’s a gala. In the truest sense.

I stand behind the dean, near the pavilion for St. Stephen’s, clapping as the lap comes to an end, with a small smile on my face.

The teams align themselves and I spot Hardin, looking at me with an adorable smile and sends out a wink. I smile wider, but couldn’t help spot a certain someone tense beside him.

We both have made choices. And now it’s time to adhere.

Two weeks have passed since the fundraiser. The very next day, I had drowned myself in books. Especially because of the exams, and partly as a welcome distraction. Because I knew better than to mess up my whole life again in the face of boy trouble.

Exams went smoothly, so to say. Lily had gone total mad before Math. We both, actually. But it’s done. And well.

And now the first basketball match starts first. Stephen’s against Joseph’s. Football, tennis and hockey, scheduled after. Swimming and relay would be tomorrow.

I wait for a few minutes after the match starts and then walk up to one of the bleachers, standing tiredly against one of the railings, looking down.

I rest both my elbows on the cold steel and stand quietly, watching. My head still hurts. 

Every incident of the fundraiser’s night, still reverberates, feeling just as fresh. I had convinced myself to postpone the thinking for after the exams, and now here we go.

My academic, economic and social life is a shining star in a black sky. And my emotional life IS the black sky.

The crowd goes crazy, chanting team names and I drown all of my emotional exhaustion in the noise. Everything seems blurry, the cheerleaders, the players, the match.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Lily stands beside me quietly, both of us looking straight ahead.

“You okay?”

“Totally.” We stand in silence as the game proceeds and spot Hardin scoring a basket. I smile lightly.

“Hardin told me at the fundraiser. He said he loves me.” Lily turns to me and I still look ahead, with a serious expression and a sad smile.

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I’ve never been happier.”

“Tessa, you can’t lie to m-“

“I’m not lying, Lily-“ I turn to look at her, smiling lightly.

I know she can understand the exhaustion in my voice. She looks at me warily and I turn to watch the game again.

“-it was the most beautiful moment. There will never be anything like it.” I remember fondly and a fleeting happiness bubbles inside me again. It had been the most satisfying emotion.

Loving someone and being loved back.

I l-love you.

 

“Then what are you doing here?” She asks, her voice, slow and concerned.

“I figured I have not been spending enough time, with myself.” I force a smile at her and swallow a lump in my throat. I’m so tired of crying.