CHOICES (Completed)

COLD TRAILS

I stir, too hot and open my eyes slowly, adjusting to the blinding light. I look around. This isn’t my bed. This isn’t my room. Yet it feels good.

Events of last night come crashing down on me and I look down to find an adorably sleeping Trevor in my lap.

I smile lightly, looking at his precious, sleeping form. He has his arms sprawled on the bed and his mouth is parted slowly, lips turned plump due to the sleep.

Last night had been so satisfying. Him revealing his past. My letting things out. The kiss- What the fudge.

I pale out, as it replays in my mind. I had been impulsive, too consumed in the moment. And at the time, it had felt so right. Yet, I had agreed to Hardin just hours before.

Hardin. Yes.

Really?

Did I just cheat, on Hardin? This is awful. Jesus. Fudge!

School starts in an hour and I manage to get off the bed, making sure not to disturb Trevor and walk out as soon as possible. I take one last look at him, sleeping peacefully and I feel even worse as another tear pricks my eyes.

He didn’t know about Hardin, either.

I have to go. I get into the elevator panting, panicked and guilty. What have I done? I lean against the wall of the elevator and pull at my hair in frustration. Frustration at myself.

This feels so bad. It’s such a terrible feeling. I don’t even want to face Hardin.

You’re looking good.

There.

Happy?

 

 

The elevator opens and I make my way back to my place. I take a quick shower that gets elongated due to my rewinding last night. It had been one of the most eventful of nights.

I sit down, bringing my knees closer to myself as I let the water fall on me. Fresh set of tears fall, and my bones ache with guilt. My head still hurts from all the information last night and all the crying, and now from all this.

I get up, clean my face and change into my jeans and a purple sweater. I look at myself in the mirror and I’m horrified. My face is all blotchy and my eyes have swelled up badly. I put on some mascara to hide it, take my denim jacket and leave.

I reach school, two periods late and Lily has been worried sick. I fill her in on last night’s events, leaving off some of the details of Trevor’s story, obviously.

“Tessa, what now?” Lily whispers as we sit in the library. I sit silent, head low and try to think. And keep that saltwater from flowing. Lily reaches forward and clasps my hand reassuringly. And I shake.

“I feel awful, Lily. I feel like I’m betraying all three of us. The last thing I want to do is hurt them. Or do double. I just don’t know what to say, or do anymore.” I whisper to her as my lip trembles and I’m so irritated at the tear that falls again. Every time I’m happy, something goes wrong.

When I was happy with Trevor, that night, I had to go to Hardin, where he opened up and a moment followed.

Yesterday when I was happy with Hardin, I had to go to Trevor, when he opened up and a moment followed again.