CHOICES (Completed)

DARK NIGHTS

“I didn’t know who was worse, Mason or them. I spent two years in rehab and PTSD treatment, and then we moved back to Liverpool.

My mother tried to reach out several times, but I shut her out. I shut everyone out. I joined high school here and I would just be in the library or the tower.

Then I turned eighteen, and Hardin moved in. We met at basketball practice. We became friends. I owe so much to him. He- “

He sniffs and I sit silently listening. I’m paralyzed by now, unable to think straight. A selfish part of me is satisfied that Trevor trusts me enough to share everything with me. And at the same time I am beyond petrified at the horrible, horrible things he has emerged from.

This is why Hardin and Trevor are such good friends. They both have had a fucked up history. Inefficient childhood. And they have found themselves in each other.

To think that I loved Eva so much. I start to question her now. I start to fight an involuntary anger towards her, as to why she let him go.

“I didn’t want to stay with them.

That night, when I dropped you off, my father called me to meet. He said the shares were falling and he needed my signature on a cheque. That was the first time he had ever called me after I moved out.

And it was to sign a cheque. I flipped out. I didn’t sign. I just- left.”

I lowered my head down, my cheek touching his forehead as I cried silently. His skin is sweaty and shaky. And I feel so- helpless. I don’t know what to do that would help make this better.

This was what was wrong, why he had been acting the way he had. Angry, hurt, tired.

“Everybody thinks Trevor Matthews is so happy.”

And I lose it. My tears flow out and I can no longer hold them back. I shut my eyes, wishing for it all to go away from him. How was he keeping all this inside?

“The brunch – Hardin made me attend that, for a change. Because, I would never go out. And then, I saw you- I just felt I could tell you.”

His voice breaks terribly and he sobs out and I choke through mine. We both cry out terribly latching on to each other.

And I thought my life was fucked up.

How can he have so much strength? Go through all of that and still smile. Break a little everyday and yet tell no one.

He has been living all alone. Home is a people. And he has not had one for a long time.

His crying dies out and when I know he has let it all out, I sit up looking at him.

“Water?”

He blinks tiredly and I caress his forehead, moving his hair away and planting a soft kiss. I reach out to the side table, getting a glass of water and then sit him up a bit, still in my lap. He’s jerking with the remnants of his sobs and I run his back as he drinks. He hands the glass back to me and I keep it back, looking at him then, as he does at me.

He rests his head on my shoulder blade and I pass a small smile.

“I never told anyone. Just, Hardin.” I push some of his hair from his temple and smile weakly.