CHOICES (Completed)

I CHOOSE YOU

“Hardin, you can’t as-k me to choo-“

“I can Tessa. I am asking you to choose. And why can’t you, you said you loved me. Is Trevor that good, really?”

He pulls back, holding my arms, his voice getting a bit louder. My head throbs badly and I feel a dizziness, clouding me.

He doesn’t like… this.. And he doesn’t like it because he knows there’s something here. And I think we both have known it for a while too.

I need you to choose me, tell me, you choose me.

You have waited a long time for this to happen Tessa. This is what you want, right?

I am asking you to choose. And why can’t you, you said you loved me. Is Trevor that good, really?

I look at him, blankly and surprised. I do love him. I have always. And I had done so much to prove it to him. Lost so much to be able to love him again.

But this time, I’m not going to throw away my world for him. He will have to accept me with my life. A life I had made for myself. And Trevor is part of it. And he, is too big of a price.

“Hardin, I am tired of having to reassure you of my feelings. Over and over. And I’m tired of you dragging Trevor into this, every time. It’s true I have waited so long for us, and I love every bit of us together and I love you.

But when it comes to being the better man, it is Trevor, Hardin. We both know it’ll always be Trevor and that’s not because I would choose him. It’s because he’ll never put me in a position to make a choice in the first place.”

I say out, loud and clear, so that he hears it, gets it straight into his head because this is the absolute truth.

“I’m not Trevor, Tessa. And I don’t know why choosing is such a big deal. Is he more important than this? Than me?”

“Hardin, the only thing more important than you is my respect. And you asking me to choose, spits in the face of that, because it makes me feel that you don’t respect my love for you, you don’t trust my decisions.”

“You can’t row two boats, Tessa. You’ll drown.” His face twists in anger and irritation now, and feel… guilty. I feel horrible that I’ve made him feel this way.

“Hardin. I have chosen you, in ways you’ll never know. And I’m not on two boats. It’s you, of course it’s you, but the least you can do is let him be there with me. You have to make yourself a part of my world, not snatch it away from me.”

Hardin leaves me and takes a deep breath, and palms his face, as I slowly explain the words to him. He paces around a bit and I start feeling dizzy again. I have pushed away Trevor and dismissed everything of us, for him. And yet, it’s not convinced him. Yet, it’s not enough.

“So Trevor’s your world. Fantastic.”

“You are unbelievable.”

I lean against the locker, my knees giving away beneath me and I let myself slide down to sit. And now I feel, he has to know. I can’t live with this inside me. This may as well be the worst moment to tell him, but it has to get out now.

“I was with him, after I left the bonfire that night. He was having family trouble, like you did. And he needed me, like you did too. And… we cried, and held on, and… kissed. I, did it.” I look ahead, as the memories of that night roll before my eyes. And after the night, came the morning.