CHOICES (Completed)

LOUDER ACTIONS

Tonight, Hardin has once again brought me to a point where I have to betray my conscience. Every feeling residing within me, is on a nasty over time, right now- as he asks, no, dares me to deny this.

It is difficult- gut wrenching difficult. But I am not giving up my physical intimacy in a weak, emotional moment, for someone who needs me, but doesn’t love me.

Right now, in his embrace, my skin singed against his, my heart thudding against his chest, I do feel loved. Wanted. Desired.

But then the slash of reality comes crashing down on me, that it’s all because he is drunk. He’ll most probably not feel this way tomorrow.

The first kiss that we had, was when he was fully conscious and the way it had ended was heartbreaking. But I can’t have this intense, this- passionate, this meaningful a moment be ridiculed. And that is the only reason I stop this, before I can’t anymore.

I open my eyes, brimming with moisture, and place my palm firm on his chest.

“Not like this, Hardin. Not this night.”

Hardin tenses slightly, and after a leisurely sigh, pulls back to look at me. Every drop of heat fades away from my skin, and I feel the air rushing in to fill the emptiness.

I can’t look at him. Not right now- I cant-

I know that if I do, I’ll give in.

He loosens his arms eventually, reluctantly; I wriggle out of his hold, pick up my cell phone and rush out the door. I walk straight down the stairs and out the front door, running as if my life depended on it.

Heavens, you are a dream, Theresa Young.

Blue eyes flash before me like an accusing alarm and I feel guilty for whatever reason. This doesn’t feel right to both of them.

Anything.

Cold air hits my face as I run unstoppably, a lone traitor tear falling. I stop ultimately, at a lamp post, holding it and panting for breath.

It is almost dawn. I sniff lightly and wipe my eyes with my sleeve.

Hell, I am even wearing his hoodie.

I look around to find myself in a place I didn’t know and it is almost morning. I’ve had too much for one night. Just too much.

I unlock my phone and call the only one person who could help me right now.

“Can you come get me, Lily?”

*

“And that is the administration wing. And behind it, is the lower field.”

I stroll along casually, with the group following me, and from the corner of the eye, I spot Lily running up to me.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe I got Columbus. And why does Collins want to give them a tour of the grounds anyway?”

Seriously all I wanted to do right now was read a book and eat a chocolate. And sleep too. Because I really hadn’t last night.