Cote: What If's [ONGOING]

What If: I Was Him?

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Sometimes I wish that I can't feel anything.

Problems just keep on piling, rolling down from downhill as it brings down a massive landslide that cannot be stopped.

A disaster, that's what it is.

I have a lot of thoughts and so little strength to scream it out loud. I may seem like I'm strong outside. But in the end I'm just a human being.

It's better for me to vent out these feelings.

But whom should I say it to?

Whom should I ask this to?

I don't have anyone to tell it other than him.

Do I need advice?

Yes.

Do I need guidance?

Yes.

I actually know the answer to this question but I have little faith in myself to prove it upon my actions and act upon them. I have little faith in myself to face against this problems.

He was  fighting against his inner demons for so long but how can he withstand everything for so long without breaking down?

I have so many words to say to him.

An acquaintance at first, a seatmate, a friend, a teacher, an adviser, he was everything I want to be.

Now this time. Where we look at each other face to face like two generals about to order our commands and charge to our deaths.

I'm nervous and he was still calm as ever.

I'm afraid.

But I'm more afraid of him looking at me like I'm a disappointment.

I'm done living like that.

I'm not just a shadow.

I'm not just a copy.

I don't have anything that I can beat you at.

But atleast, you gave me confidence to fight back.

I might lose this last battle of ours.

I know you have your reasons for your actions.

I understand these reasons very well as to why you're doing this.

But in the end I also have my reasons.

Your reasons doesn't matter as long as I have mine.

It might be like climbing up Mt. Everest, or diving into the Mariana Trench.

That's what you are. Unreachable to most people.

But it's possible to reach it. You might be called the perfect human by your father.

But you're still human at the end.

So I reach out to you Ayanokouji-kun.

It's either you freeze on the top or I drown you in into the deepest pits of the ocean.

It doesn't matter really. This is only my thoughts.

I'll just show you through actions.

Let us have a fair and final bout.

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Yahallo!!!

I'm sorry for breaking so many promises about coming back here and continuing writing. But I'm actually living a life now.

Reaching adulthood really hits hard to me. In your teenage years if you have problems you can always just run away from it.

But in adulthood you must stand your ground in your problems.

Enough about that. I'm not actually back yet since I'm really fucking busy with college and all. But I so/so managed to reach 2nd year of college in the engineering department.

I might be lurking here and there and if you see me. Don't forget to say hello lol. I'm still the horny guy you guys know.

Anyway. This chapter is just me venting my feelings about not being better enough.

As always!!

STAYHORNY!!!!