Beautiful Disasters- Hawks x OC

Chapter 114

     They say time heals all wounds, but Keigo knew that the pain he was feeling would never go away. He'd gone through just about every bottle of alcohol in the apartment trying to numb some of it, but nothing worked. "At least it isn't worse," he thought, taking another swig of vodka. He looked down at the bottle with bleary eyes, it didn't even burn anymore as the liquid washed down his throat. Staying at home burned more. He was surrounded by Mariko everywhere he looked, the memories playing through his mind like a Rolodex, and he wanted nothing more than to jump back in time and relive them over and over again.

      "You're gonna kill yourself drinking like that," a voice spoke.

       Keigo looked up and scowled at the woman standing before me. Wavy brown hair hauntingly familiar and blue eyes narrowed at him in disapproval. "Isn't that better?" he asked quietly. "I wouldn't have to see you again. I'd be with Mari. I'd be okay with dying if she was there."

     Mariko scowled at him. "I'm only here because you want me to be," she pointed out.

         The blonde said nothing and brought the bottle to his lips once more. What she'd said was true after all. Mariko's Just In Case letter had broken something inside him, and ever since he'd been seeing the apparition in front of him. He knew it wasn't her, the girl he loved was somewhere far away now. He assumed it was supposed to be some type of coping mechanism. His brain trying to save his heart from the pain and suffering he was experiencing. It was a complete and utter failure though. It was a failure because he knew she wasn't real. He was staring at a version of her that was just a reflection of his imagination and his memories and he hated it. He hated it with a burning passion because every time he saw her, she looked different. Every time she appeared there were subtle changes in her voice, the color of her eyes, the shape of her lips, the location of her beauty marks, and the way she smiled at him. The image of the person most precious to him was becoming unfocused. When he pictured her face he could no longer remember the exact shade her cheeks turned when she was blushing, nor could he remember exactly what it looked like when she smiled at him. It had only been six months, and he was starting to forget her. He had to watch himself forget her and it sickened him to no end.

      He'd started drinking so that he'd have an excuse. He could blame the alcohol on his fuzzy memories of her and had no problem cursing the fact that the only time he could picture her face clearly was when she died in his arms. "Why can't I remember the good things as clearly?" he wondered. There had been so many good memories between them, why were those the ones rapidly disappearing from his mind? Why was he holding tighter to memories of sadness and pain than ones filled with love and happiness? Drunk or sober he was never able to answer those questions. Maybe he simply wasn't ready for it, but the blankness his mind drew whenever he tried vexed him. The only conclusion he'd reached was that it was better to be drunk. "At least now I have an excuse," he thought finishing off the bottle.

      "She'd kick your ass if she saw you now," Mariko said.

     "Fuck off," he cursed.

     "Do you really want me to?" She asked.

      A single tear slid down his cheek and his hold on the bottle slipped causing the remaining liquid to spill all over him and the mattress. "No," he choked out. He didn't...because even though it wasn't the same, at least he could see and hear her voice. "Stay, please," he asked quietly, tears welling in his eyes. As his vision blurred, she disappeared once more. Another piece of his heart broke as she vanished, the moment rubbing salt into a still fresh and deep wound. Not knowing what else to do and having no one to stop him, Keigo drunkenly stumbled to the wine fridge in the kitchen and pulled out the last bottle of alcohol they had. His vision swam with dark spots and he couldn't focus his eyes long enough to read the label, but he didn't care. He just popped it open and began chugging as much as he could before he collapsed on the bed again. Coughing slightly, he drank until the dark spots became large enough that he couldn't see anything at all...