Beautiful Disasters- Hawks x OC

Chapter 122

Keigo was released from the hospital a few days after waking up, and as promised Sakura was there to take him back to his and Mariko's apartment. The taxi ride home had been completely silent- the brunette refused to speak to him for the time being. Sakura's silent treatment, however, didn't bother him much. He'd always hated being ignored, and even in his static-filled mind, he knew his despondence was a red flag. If his body didn't already feel so heavy he might've thought about it more, but the way his wings were dragging behind him pathetically convinced him to spare himself the headache. Instead, he quietly followed Sakura into his apartment building after she paid the cab fare.

"If I was the one ignoring you... would you be as calm and collected as you are now?" a soft voice asked beside him.

Keigo didn't even need to look next to him to know who it was. He turned around anyways, some sad and sick part of him desperate enough for her presence that he conjured up warped versions of her to haunt him. Her features had changed slightly from when he'd seen her in the hospital. Her hair was darker than what it should've been, her blue eyes held flecks of gray that they hadn't before, and her jaw wasn't as pointed as it should've been. He wasn't sure though, and even as he concentrated on trying to change the appearance of the hallucination in front of him, the vaguely familiar woman beside him remained the same. The only thing he succeeded in doing was giving himself the headache he'd tried to avoid earlier, and sending another wave of guilt crashing over his already aching heart as he failed to remember the appearance of the love of his life.

Sakura opened the door and watched Hawks as he lingered in the entrance of the apartment to take off his shoes and lay them on the shoe rack by the door. Although "no shoes in the house" was a rule most households in Japan upheld, Keigo never enforced it in his own home. He hadn't, at least, until Mariko established it in their apartment shortly after he moved in with her. Remembering that she had been the one to instill this seemingly insignificant habit in him had another piece of his already broken heart chipping away and falling into nothingness.

The brunette was surprised when Hawks collapsed on the floor exhausted as though he'd just run a marathon. He refused to go any further and leaned against the front door as he took a shaky breath and stared at the living room blankly. For a moment, Sakura wondered whether he was still sick and if she needed to call EMS again. When she saw his vacant gaze however, she knew that Hawks's condition wasn't something any hospital could fix.

Slowly, she sat down on the floor next to him. "Do you miss her?" she asked.

The level of heartbreak evident in his voice was something she wasn't prepared for as he answered: "Every day."

"Me too," she sighed, following his gaze towards the window. "That's a good thing though, it means she was loved, and still is."

Although he didn't answer her, he agreed. As painful as it was to love someone who was gone, Keigo couldn't bear the thought of doing anything else. The idea of not loving Mariko hurt as much as her being dead. It was a fact that hawks mated for life, but the blonde refused to believe that the intensity of his love for Mariko was simply a side effect from the nature of his quirk. Despite its disastrous end, their relationship had been so beautiful that he couldn't accept it being anything but true love. He loved Mariko and he always would, and that knowledge was the only thing that brought him solace.

"I haven't even been able to delete her contact from my phone," Sakura admitted quietly. Sliding her phone out of her pocket, she quickly unlocked it and showed him the contact labeled Mariko Saito in her text history.

"I can't remember it anymore," he breathed, his voice was so quiet Sakura briefly wondered whether he said anything at all.

"When I try to picture her, it's not right...I hate it."