The Destiny Against Us : JayWon

Chapter 14.3: You Confessed To Me First

Chapter 14.3

You confessed to me first.

I don't know what just happened. All I know is everything happened so fast, and I found him putting distance between us after he said that.

I tried to approached him several times, but he always found a reason to avoid me.

There's a lot of things going on in my
head. After hearing him say he's in love, I can't even tell what I'm feeling right now.

There's nothing but heavy emotions inside me. I feel so bewildered and hollow. I feel like I'm trying to hold everything inside because it could fall apart anytime as this reality continues to hit me.

It's like I'm alone at a oasis trying to find ways to save myself from drowning in these massive waves of emotions as everything in my system continues to drift apart.

I sat next to Jake, not knowing what to do. I watched One play with Sunoo and Riki as if nothing happened. Surely, It just me. He doesn't feel anything for me in the first place.

Jake tapped my shoulder as he handed me a can of beer. "What happened?" He asked. Sounding worried seems like everything is painted all over my face.

I wasn't able to answer him because I didn't know what to say. It seems like I lost the ability to talk. What Jungwon said a while ago keeps replaying in my head, and it's starting to hunt me down and hard.

The more it replays inside my mind, the more it sinks in and hurts.

"Me too, But I guess he's in love with someone else."

Sharp pains slowly took over my system. I felt like I was being struck inside continuously with sharp objects I couldn't name, My chest felt tight as if I needed to gasped for more air, yet I felt drowning from it.

"Man," Jake called me with his worried voice again.

I just nodded to assured him I was okay and decided to go for a walk to calm myself down afraid to blast from all the emotions and couldn't keep up with it as it too much for me.

I found myself near the Han river. I sat on the bench and stared at the skies full of stars. It was shining so brightly, but why do I feel like it refused to shine on me?

Why it came to this? All I want is to reach him and sing my heart to him, why it ended up like this? Why I ended up making him realized he loves someone who does not love him back?

I tweaked my own hair as all the frustrations, sadness, and pain, emotions rushed to me non-stop like there's no tommorow, and not giving a choice but to tolerate it.

I never felt this way before, I feel like everything is driving me crazy, and I'm back where I started. I'm back from being lost and zero.

"Mate!" I heard the familiar voice of Jake, but I did not bother to look at him. In my Peripheral vision, I saw him sat at the bench next to mine.

"Did something happened?" He asked again, "Mate, We've been together since we were kids. I know you so well. I know there's something bothering you." He added with a calm front and trying not to sounds worried.

I stayed quiet for a while as I looked up above us. The dark starry night skies looks so much comforting as the sounds of calm water of Han river gushing at its own path. The moon also look magical and enchanting even it's not whole, like always.

But no matter how perfect my view was, those did not lessen the heavy feeling inside me but somehow calmed me from creating scenarios I didn't want to play in my head.