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A story about a girl that finally finds the will to live after years of being tormented by her ruthless past, just to have it reach to her once more, coming back with the same intensity of cruelty and terror and once again erasing her just bui...
° ° ° . . . Lonely eyes trapped in the dark, is there anyone to hold my hand. . .
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CHAPTER 53 —————
The moment I could see a little bit of sunlight creeping in through the white curtains, I decided it was time to get out of bed. It wasn't like I was able to get any sleep with the soreness throughout my whole body. It hurt so much. My eyes were closing on their own, yet everytime I'd let them I had my own brain torment me with new made memories from last night. It felt disgusting, not just on my tongue, but the pit of my stomach.
I looked next to me, there he was, sleeping so peacefully despite everything he's done to me. Just looking at his face made me sick and what was there stopping me from choking him in his sleep? Pure fear...
I wrapped one of the blankets around my completely naked body. My weak legs dragging me slowly to the bathroom, hoping the long shower would wash up his fingerprints roughly imprinted on my pale skin. I wanted to escape my own body. I wanted to be gone...
I ran my hands down my wet hair, squeezing it so hard to drain it from the water that it hurt me. I didn't care.
I stepped out of the white misty glass shower walls. I didn't bother to take a towel for myself even though there were goosebumps covering my skin from the cold. I didn't care.
The fog on the wide mirror above the sink covered my own reflection, doing me a favour. Seeing myself like that would only make me want to end me. But like I subconsciously wanted to hurt myself, I stood there waiting for it to show me my devastated face. The bruises and hickeys on my chest area, my neck, my shoulders. The purplish swollen line around my neck from his ruthless grip. How was I even alive..?
Looking back at my just uncovered eyes in the mirror, I got the answer. I was breathing, but far from alive. There was no light in there. I knew my eye colour shifted based on my surroundings, but I never thought the sage green could slowly turn greyish based on how much life I had left in me.
I scoffed in self pity. The last few hopeful days I spent in Jaemin's company flashing before my eyes. It felt like that was decades ago. It felt like what I felt was starting to die out. I was probably never going to see him again, or if someday all of this would somehow pass I would never be able to look him in the eye and go back to him like nothing had happened. Three months. I guess that's as much as we could possibly last. He deserved better than a girl who had sold herself out to someone like Minhyuk.
A low painful chuckle escaped my sore throat while I stared at the red puffy eyes swimming in tears in the mirror, watching over me with unbearable disgust and disappointment. "You deserved it Kim Soji... all of this." I whispered lowly to myself before finally taking a towel to dry myself and put some clothes on. Clothes that didn't even feel like they belonged to me. Nothing he'd buy would ever feel comfortable to wear.
