Clueless [h.s]

[49] Distance

listen to wait by M83 while reading you won't regret it

-

The next few weeks had been a complete blur of fear and worry for Harry's health. After the next few days that Harry and I ended up crashing on my couch, I had thought Harry was well doing well. I thought he was slowly recovering because he would often eat more than he regularly did and I thought I saw a change in him when he would smile a bit brighter and hold me a bit longer whenever he held me tightly to his chest.

But I was proven wrong, completely wrong. My heart would sink even deeper into the pit of my chest every time I caught a single glimpse at him. As the days slowly rolled by I had noticed that he seemed to talk a little less, sleep a little longer, smoke a little more. His skin was also no longer as warm and tan as it was before, his hands were always shaking a bit and his skin always seemed ghostly pale. And as the time passed, his bright green eyes turned into the dullest shade of emerald. His soft lips that had always seemed to land on mine were surely chapped and dry even though he ran his tongue over them an unbelievable amount of times. He had become more distant, he wouldn't hold my hand or hug me in public anymore. We would not be together as often. That beautiful dimpled smile of his that had gotten me through terrible times was a bit smaller now, not as bright. What had worried me the most was that every week he would seem to look a bit thinner. His cheek bones were even more prominent and his body was practically skin on bones at this point. When I asked him what was wrong, he would ignore me or swear that nothing was wrong; but that was far from the truth.

All these wonderful little things that had made up Harry were slowly slipping away and fading. And no part of me could have ever denied it. He was no longer that adorable, sweet and humble man that I had first met. It was as if he had shut off all of his emotions and decided to feel nothing. His constant mood swings came back too, he would be happy one second but lash out on me and turn into a complete jerk. I was desperate to know what was bothering him, I was desperate for him to open up to me, I was desperate to have my old Harry back. My real Harry.

There was a constant longing in the pit of my chest to be with him again, to have my old Harry back. But I completely understood what he was going through even if he refused to tell me. I had began to look for some professional therapist for Harry to talk to just so he could recover sooner but whenever I would mention it to Harry, he would shout at me and I had to spend the night at my own apartment for the night instead of his.

As much as I wanted to help him, Harry wanted none of it. It was as if he believed that his mentality can just fade and disappear over night. The closer I tried to get to him, the farther he would go to stay away from me. I had even began to think that Harry did not want me around any longer, that he did not love me as much as I love him.

But all these negative thoughts were ripped out of my mind as the bell to my last class had rang, indicating that class was officially over for the day. I watched everyone as they shuffled around and practically sprinted out the door, ready to head home. I had taken my time to gather my things and stuff them into my bag that had slung over my shoulder. I was relieved that the day was finally over and I could finally see Harry because I have not seen him in a few days, which killed me because I had gotten so used to his presence that whenever I was parted from him I had the sudden urge to find him because I needed him.

"Have a nice day, Ms Grande." The male professor said as I began to head for the exit of his classroom. "We will hopefully be seeing you tomorrow."

"Hopefully," I repeated, a smile spread across my face as he laughed light-heartedly. "Have a nice day Mr Sanders, I'll try not to daydream through your class tomorrow." I teased and he laughed even harder. Mr Sanders has always been one of those teachers that could take a joke and actually made their classes fun. He was definitely one of the most liked teachers on campus because he was not always on our backs about anything, which I highly admired.