Clueless [h.s]

[61] Veins

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songs for this chapter are:

in my veins - Andrew Belle

Trouble - Halsey

-

Three days later...

Ariana.

Three days after Harry was released from the hospital were a complete blur. I knew that I was the only person who had to take care of Harry right after he was able to head home so I would spend the majority of my days with him unless I was in class.

Every day after class I would stop by Harry's place to check if he was alright. I would drop off some of his favorite foods and eat them with him at his table in silence. We never bothered to speak because we both knew we were thinking and the chorus of our withering thoughts are pain-staking.

He knew I was thinking, and I knew he was thinking, and we never bothered to break each other from our regretful thoughts. The small talks I tried to make were easily answered with a gesture or a few words. I was trying to make him feel loved with the few times I would hold his hand in mine for a few seconds. He would ask me to stay the night with him before I headed next door but I only politely rejected his offer. I knew I couldn't just easily give into him so quickly after everything, I had to keep my distance for a while until I was ready.

I know that Kissinger told me to remain strong for the both of us but right now it seemed nearly impossible. It was difficult to stare at him without having visions of his body lying on the ground just a few days ago. It would take us a while to readjust, to give into each other like how we should've in the first place. But I was willing to wait every second of it because my love for him was still just as strong as before, and every day it burned in my veins as if to mock me for what I might be losing.

It hurt me to think that nearly after a year of everything we have been through together we ended up here: so close yet so damn far away. I wanted to speak to him and ask him why he decided to do what he regretted doing but I knew that was a topic that was still too sensitive for the both of us. He has yet to know that I was the one who found him in his own apartment lying on the ground. I knew that I couldn't even bare to tell him myself because it all hurt too much to even speak about it. It was something we avoided talking about because it was definitely a triggering topic for us, and millions of other people. We both knew we needed to connect with each other and discuss this exact topic but we never made an effort to talk about it because one of us would definitely blow up. Our hearts were too fragile to put up with a fight.

"Ariana," Harry repeated for the nth time, a smile etching on the corners of his lips. I looked up at him and met with his dull emerald eyes, the dark bags beneath them contrasting sharply with the green irises.

"Hmm?" I hummed, shaking my head from my loud thoughts.

"Did you even hear me?" Harry let out a wisp of a laugh, his tone amused that I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice he was speaking to me.

"Erm, sorry." I mumbled as I jabbed my fork into my box of noodles and twirled it around to catch some of the food onto it. I stuffed the noodles into my mouth and quietly chewed as he continued.