Clueless [h.s]

[33] Agony

One month later...

Harry's POV.

I gulped down my third cup of coffee just this morning and felt the warm liquid run down my dry throat and drop down into my empty stomach. I drew a deep breath out of my lungs and ran my hands over my face, feeling completely awful.

Agony.

Excruciating agony.

There were no other words to describe what I felt other than that. Agony. No other words could do justice to what I felt. It was with one last shocked, heartbroken look she gave me and muttered the words that drove a white-hot spear straight through my heart.

"I can't fix you, you love the darkness too much."

She meant to hurt me, to dig at any shred of empathy despite my attempt to hide it behind my cold exterior, and she had succeeded. I was a stranger to her, my harsh words and my cold actions doing exactly what I intended to do- to drive her away.

Now, a week later, I was unable to move, unable to eat, unable to think, unable to breathe. The only thing I could do was feel- feel the agonizing beating of my dull heart and ache in the pit of my chest.

She's the only woman I have ever loved, and now she was gone.

Out of all of the things I have done my whole life, that was without a doubt one of the hardest things I have ever done. Letting Ariana go was probably the worst decision I have ever made. Even thinking of her name sent a dagger straight through the ripped flesh of my broken heart.

It was not just that I missed her. It was that the woman I have fallen in love with, ripped my heart into shreds and chewed me up then spit me out as she left me to deal with myself. It was like the world has us separated by a glass wall. She was on the side I'd long to be, surrounded by the people who bring joy into her life. And I was on the opposite side, watching the show and letting the image rip me into shreds.

A harsh sigh ripped through my lungs, so forceful my throat burned as I deeply exhaled; my hand automatically rising to run through my unruly hair. I felt it. I felt my stomach violently churn in my abdomen as images of Ariana laying on the couch beside me flashed through my mind. The image of us decorating the Christmas tree I have yet to take down, flashes through my mind as I glance at the small tree placed in the corner of the room. Images of her small body on my lap as she slowly kissed the expanse of my neck and whispered small things into my ear that made me feel wanted.

I set down the mug on the coffee table and sat on the edge of the sofa. My elbows rested on my knees and my head rested on the palms of my hands as a deep breath ripped from my lungs. My wrecked flesh of a heart seemed to slump down even deeper into the pit of my chest as the memories of Ariana came back to me, her image alone sending me into deep darkness.

*Flashback*

"What's wrong?" Her sweet voice filled my ears and ripped me out of my deep thoughts.

"What?"

"Something's wrong..." Her white nails tapped against the wooden table as she stared at me, her head resting in the palm of her hand.

"Nothing's wrong." I lied, rolling my eyes for no reason when I was not in the slightest annoyed with her.

She was simply trying to help me but being the selfish bastard I am, I shut her out and pushed my problems away.

"You're lying," She called me out and studied my face for any sign of self judgement.

"No I'm not."