Taron and Me Book Two

Wedding

Turns out Richard wasn't dead, the head was fake, it looked pretty real though.
Katelyn was sobbing into yet another bottle of gin. She held the Sebastian Spam leaflet in her hand, occasionally she would look at his face and stroke it, other times she would scream at it. I found this perplexing.

I also realised that it wasn't my wedding day. I had ordered a dodgy calendar for the trailer that had told me the wrong date. How annoying.

So tonight was my hen party, I told Rosie she could come aswell seen as though she was also getting married.
"Are you ready for my hen party?" Asked Rosie.
Your hen party?" I was confused.
"Yes the one I invited you to." She smiled.
"Come on lassies ya can share tha party. Here take some tequila for the road. Oh and some tea." Tyrone handed us a half empty bottle of tequila and some tea bags.

We went to a trendy bar in wherever we were for the film. Pedro's Pub. That's what I assume it was called but the sign was missing some letters. It actually read: e o'   ub. Which didn't have the same ring to it, so I filled in the blanks.
"Do you sell gin?" I asked the bartender.
"Yes what kind were you looking for?" He was rather dashing in my opinion.
"Oh Prosecco please." I flirtatiously smiled at him and fluttered my eyelashes.
"Are you ill?" He asked squinting at me.
"Um..how much for the drinks?"

We sat and drank some booze. It was fun. Occasionally Rosie would go outside to top up Mrs Darcy's glass. According to Rosie she was partial to a nice sex on the beach.
Katelyn heard her phone ding. She looked down and exclaimed excitedly.
"The strippers here!"
I looked at her in a alarm. Didn't she know I had a phobia of naked men who were not my one and only saviour Taron?
"He comes highly recommended apparently. He's European."

"Golly gosh!" I cried when a man walked in only his underwear. I could not call them briefs, the term did not express quite how small they were. And weren't strippers meant to come in fully clothed? Hence the term strip. I think my eyes would give way if he stripped what precious little he was wearing.
"Oh hello you must be the stripper?" Rosie extended a hand to the naked man. "Have we met before, you look very familiar?"
Katelyn emerged from the toilet.
"Who's this?" She asked.
"The stripper." I replied.
"I am not ze strippré you speak of." He was french.
"Oh sorry."
We walked away.

We spent a few more hours getting quite drunk. Eventually, Mrs Darcy came in and we played pin the tail on the donkey. She was quite good at it. I managed to hit the naked french man square in the forehead.
"What is ze meaning of this?!" He demanded.
"Sorry." I yelped.
"Where is that stripper?" Director Katelyn was returning.
"Here he is." We turned to see a man dressed as a cowboy. He waggled his eyebrows seductively.
"Seb!" Cried Katelyn as she lunged at him.
They embraced for what seemed like a long time before pulling away and staring at each other longingly.

Again, where have I put that sick bucket.

"I thought you'd gone off to start a Spam business." Said Katelyn.
"No, just had to get my side hustle going." He smiled.
"Life has been torture without you bestie." Katelyn smiled at him sadly.
"I'm not complete without you Katelyn, throw me a peace sign."
"What?"
"Come on, I can't go another minute without another peace sign from you, you do them so well."
Katelyn did a peace sign, she even posed as she did it.
"Katelyn I love you, will you marry me?" Seb got down on one knee.
"Only if you play the lead in my film again."
"Sure."
"Ok then I suppose we could."
Sebastian picked Katelyn up and threw her around. They kissed and I looked away because mushiness.
Katelyn pulled away and screamed in his ear.
"NOW TAKE ALL YOUR CLOTHES OFF."

The next hour was a strange one. Sebastian was half naked and chucking spam at people and I devoured half the bar. It was only when we going for another round of pass the parcel that Rosie screamed.
"The french man is riding Mrs Darcy." She ran in his direction but he cracked a pink sparkly whip at Mrs Darcy and rode off out of the bar. I assume the whip was Seb's and I did not want to ask why he had it.

"Bring my house back you bitch!" Rosie screamed in the street as the french man rode off out of sight.