Taron and Me Book Two

Knee pain can't give you inspo

Rosie was running down the road. She would occasionally stop to take a swig of the large bottle of vodka that was in her hands.
"MRS DARCY WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!" She would sometimes scream.
I was running along several spaces behind. I didn't know where Katelyn or spammy Seb had gone. Probably kissing in the club still. I didn't like to think about it.

"This is hopeless." Rosie sobbed. She brought the bottle to her lips to find it empty. She tossed it behind her into a bush.
"Ahh what tha hell are ye doin!!" Angry Scottish came from the bush.
"Who's there?" I called.
"It's me ya doofus. How many other Scottish men do ya know in wild Texas?" Tyrone emerged from the bush.
"Richard." Suggested the bartender.
"Who the hell are you?" I turned to ask him.
"I served you tonight in the bar, you had something in both your eyes." His accent was Spanish.
"Ah right. But how do you know Richard?" Asked Rosie between sobs.
"Don't you know what my day job is?"
I was very puzzled now.
"I am an extra in your movie." Said the man.
"You can't be!" I exclaimed, distraught by his rude manner. "What is your name?" I demanded.
"It's Pedro, Owner of Pedr-" Pedro couldn't finish his sentence as he was run over by a car. The window rolled down and Katelyn's face appeared.
"Holy mother of mercy ya wee scoundrel. You have knocked down a sexy Spanish man." Tyrone shouted.
Katelyn giggled and did a peace sign. At least I think that's what it was meant to be, but she seemed rather drunk so she put up three fingers.
"It's ok bestie." She turned to Tyrone. "I have a provisional license."
"Oh sorry Katelyn lassie, I didn't know."
"Fanks qween."

We dragged Pedro's body into an alleyway. We were sure he probably wasn't dead so we left him with some money for a pay phone if he was that desperate for an ambulance.
"What have you brought this car for?" I asked.
"To find Mrs Darcy." Katelyn said this whilst rummaging in the glove compartment.
"Well let's go then." I couldn't remember who said that.

We cruised around Texas for a bit. How hard could it be to find a naked french man riding a horse? Katelyn was driving pretty sensibly to say she was drinking a bottle of gin.
Then we hit the french man.
"How dare ze hit me!" He stood up and started shouting angrily.
Rosie jumped out of the car and lassoed him so he could not escape.
"Call the police!" She cried.
I dialled 999 and then went to find some tea.
The french man was pretty angry.

Matthew was riding Mrs Darcy, we could see him in the distance. He had no top on and was covered in sparkles. Ah yes, he was coming from the stag do. He jumped off and came up to Rosie.
"Rosie my dear, what's happened?" He stared at her with concern.
"That man stole Mrs Darcy." Rosie pulled the french man who was on the end of the rope.
Matthew stared at him with disgust. When he eventually spoke, his voice was deeper than the deepest ocean. His anger was humid, like a rock.
"You will suffer the consequences of what you have done to my horse." Matthew spat.

Matthew kneed the french man in the balls. He groaned and fell to the floor.
"Well done Matthew!" Said Rosie as she kicked the man in the toes.
"Aye isn't violence such a beautiful thing to watch." Tyrone stated longingly.
''Twas then that I heard sirens in the distance. My thoughts went to the fact Tyrone was on the run for murder. I grabbed his luscious green mane of hair and yanked it as I ran for cover.
"Ah Ah ouch, jeepers creepers ya scallywag what are ye doin?" Tyrone cried as he was dragged after me.
"Savin yo ass." I must have spent too much time in America.
We ran to an abandoned warehouse. I made for the stairs and ran upwards.
"Can we stop running now. Shiver me timbers it's hot." Tyrone panted.

We collapsed in a heap at the top. We sat a while. Thorn was singing to himself. I was about to politely tell him to shut up when we heard a rustling.
"Hello?" I called, squinting into the distance.
"Show ya self scoundrel." Said Tyrone form behind.

A figure appeared and flashed past us in a whirl. I got a strong whiff of spam.
"Sebastian?" I called, perplexed.
The figure stopped dead in their tracks and turned around. It was Buckyias. Sigh.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"You never saw me here, ok?" He said, wiping a stray  baked bean from his face. Then he left.
"Well that was strange wasn't it lassie?" Tyrone said, chomping on a crunchie behind me.
"Yes, strange indeed." I said.

I texted Rosie and she said the coast was clear. So we back out to the street.
Matthew was sat on the floor cradling his knee. Rosie sat beside drinking something. I'm unsure what at this point. Katelyn was stood with Pedro, persuading him that she didn't hit him with the car so it must have been someone random.
"What's up?" I said to Matthew.
"That french man must have had bionic balls, I've got some serious knee pain now." Praise hugged him and offered him a bottle. He took a long swig.
"He won't see the light of day now though. Horsenapping is a serious offence." Said Rosie.
"You always say such reassuring things my dear." The pair rubbed noses. I turned away.

Then I got a text.

Can you keep my secret a secret? You have to for the sake of everyone's happiness 🍟

Sorry typo 💀*