Taron and Me Book Two

Yummy

Now it was the day of my wedding. I was beginning to feel nervous. Not about marrying Taron, but the fact that he was missing. Sigh. He had a habit of doing this.
"And you're sure you don't know where he is." I quizzed Matthew who was sat on Mrs Darcy, combing her hair.
"Sorry Mollie, it appears he has disappeared. Now where is my Goddess Divine? Can't see her until I wed her, it's bad luck." Matthew trotted away.
"We have a bit of a problem lassie." Tyrone came from behind, his hair was slicked up into a sort of Mohawk. I think the flakes in his hair were solid gold but I can't be sure.
"What now?" I snapped.
"Keep your wig on ya wee firecrackerjacker. I have found Taron."
"Well thats good."
"Aye but he's handcuffed to a lamppost." Tyrone sipped a cup of tea. The steam from it mocked me like a squanderbird.
"Oh, that's a bugger." I stated.
"Don't ya worry though because we'll get him to ya wedding on time." Tyrone had tears running down his face, they mixed with his freshly applied spray tan making an orange mess.
"What's wrong?" I passed him some shortbread.
"I wish I could be there today, walking ma wee nephew down the aisle." Tyrone began to choke on his shortbread. I thumped him on the back until it unlodged itself.
"Ah, thanks lassie ya a wee good pickle. Ma brother would really like you."
"Brother Tetley?" I said.
"No lass, ma other brother, his names Lionel but most people call him the Frothy Menace."
"Oh, why's that?" I asked.
Tyrone sighed. "He makes an excellent Frothy coffee. His spiced lattes aren't bad either." Tyrone shuddered at the thought of coffee.
"Where does he live? Is he a vicar too?"
"Not exactly, he's in prison."
"What!" I exclaimed.
"Don't worry it's not a serious crime, just a wee bit of GBH."
"What does that mean? It must be bad if he's in prison."
"The man was only in a coma for a week. And they found his finger in the end anyway." Tyrone sounded defensive.
"Why do I remind you of him?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well don't take this the wrong way lassie, but ya can be a wee-" I cut in.
"Tinker?" I suggested.
"Bitch." Tyrone blushed. He looked like a little garden gnome.
"Fuck you Tyrone." I said.
"Ah don't worry Mollie, ya not as much of a bitch as the frothy hooligan. Your like a wee daughter ta me sometimes ya tinker." I gave him a fist bump and then ran away. I don't like mushyness but I like Tyrone.

But now I had a pressing matter to attend to. I found some paper and wrote a note. I ran over to Katelyn's trailer and slipped it under the door.

Don't trust spam man. 🍟

The chips were to make her feel better.

As I was walking away I heard Katelyn say: " Ooo yummy. Wait, what the fuck?" She flew out of the trailer and towards me.
"What is this bestie?" She demanded.
"I..I don't know." I stammered.
"Don't lie to me qween."
"Sorry, I found it on the floor and assumed it was yours so I posted it through the door." I attempted to smile to look convincing.
"Are you in pain?" She asked.
"No, why?"
"Oh no it's a smile never mind. I just, don't understand this note, who would send something like this?" She pondered and then turned and walked back to her trailer.

My plan had failed. Oh well, perhaps the man just really likes beans.

I felt nervous in the car. Brandon had agreed to be my flower girl after much persuasion. He didn't like have a knife pointed at his balls but it had to be done. Meryl Streep was my bridesmaid. She heard I made a nice cup of tea.

We arrived at the rodeo ranch we had booked for the ceremony. (Wedding ceremony). I saw Katelyn and Rosie were already there. Rosie was dressed like a cowboy, she had a lasso attached to her belt and a big hat that said sheriff on it. She also had a pistol and a bunch of flowers. Katelyn looked entirely different. She was dressed like a fireman. She was dragging a hose that wasn't attached to anything and she also had a moustache. I don't really know what that was for but it was pretty bushy so I rolled with it. I was dressed like a carrot. I like carrots.