Taron and Me Book Two

Who do you think you are? Some kind of superstar?

"Simon Pegg!" Rosie ran over and hugged the tall, lanky man with a sexy demeanour.
"Could this day get any worse?!" Yelled Matthew.
"Yeah she could leave you for him and have his kids." Said Seb.
"You're not helping Sebastian!" Snarled Matthew.
"Well I would." I said once I'd checked Taron wasn't listening.
"Have you got a thing for this dude?" Seb turned to Katelyn.
"Who?" Katelyn looked up from her phone, she then squinted in Simon's direction and shook her head.
"Why have you called this bafoon!" Wailed Matthew.
Rosie sighed and turned to Matthew, as if composing herself. "Shaun of the Dead. I thought that would be obvious." She rolled her eyes.

Matthew went to the car and sobbed.

"Someone's got a bee in his bonnet." Said Taron, returning from the bushes.
"Where have you been?" I asked.
"Had to go for a slash." Said Taron.
"A what?" Seb looked confused.
"Um....a wee?" Taron blushed.
"Is this another one of those crazy British words?" Seb asked Katelyn.
"Yes qween. Don't worry." She said.
"Who have you been slicking up my good man?" Matthew hurried over.
"No one I just went for a tinkle!" Snapped Taron.
"Oh." Matthew looked crestfallen.
"Don't worry bro I-" Simon was cut short by Matthew.
"I'm not your bro." Then Matthew went back to his car.
"Should I go and have a word with Matthew?" Asked Simon nervously. His voice had a seductive deep tone, perhaps one could say even more pleasing than Matthew's. Lol.
"Don't worry, I think the whole zombie apocalypse has just made him a bit emotional." Sighed Rosie.
"So how can I help?" Asked Simon.
"We need to get to the pub." I said, thinking back to the film.
"Ah! The Winchester." Simon shot some finger guns. "Um.....you do know that's just a film and you've been going in the wrong direction. I'm probably about as much use to you in a zombie apocalypse as that geezer." He pointed to Tyrone, who was blubbing away to a tree about Orsino, he also occasionally tried to sell it some of his new ranges of tea.
"He was tha apple of ma wee eyeball.......it's got apricots in it, gives it a tantalising taste, special offer just for you.......now he's a wee dead boi." He had carried on like this for several hours.

"You're a treacherous fiend!" Matthew shoved Simon over.
They tussled around on the ground for a bit. I could see Rosie was pretending not to be able to break them up, I think she was secretly enjoying it.
"Oh Matthew stop!......well I did try." She sighed.
"OI! GET OFF EACH OTHER BEFORE I SET THE ZOMBIE ON YOU!!" Katelyn shrieked through her megaphone. She had Orsino tied to a bit of string. He looked a bit pale.

"What's going on?" I asked.
"He knows what he did!" Matthew spat at Simon.
"I'm struggling actually." Said Simon, bewildered.
"Oh really? You don't remember how you tried to ruin my acting career before it had even began?"
"You've lost me mate." Simon scratched his head.
"FOR THE LAST TIME....I AM NOT YOUR MATE!!" Matthew was seething with rage. "Let me jog your memory."

Matthew prepared to tell his tale. We all gathered around. Katelyn pushed Orsino to the floor and he fell face first. The. The rest of us sat down. Taron sat with his legs crossed like a good boi. I sat close to Simon cause.....
"It was a crisp day in June..." Began Matthew.
"Bro is this gonna take long?" Sighed Seb who was playing bubble witch on Katelyn's phone.
"Yeah skip to the good bit." Called Taron.
Matthew sighed and prepared to start again.
"In short, I was destined to play the role of Shaun in Shaun of the Dead. I made it to the final stages but they gave the role to Simon. Of course that is the nature of this perilous business. BUT he cheated to get that role." Matthew glared at Simon.
"WHAT!" Screamed Seb and Simon in unison.
"Why are you screaming?" Katelyn asked Seb.
"I auditioned for the role of Shaun!" Wailed Seb.
"I did not cheat!" Simon stood up and squared up to Matthew. "Take that back you fake!"
"Never!! It is true. I heard you're uncle was a producer." Matthew sniffed.
"He became the producer AFTER I got the part." Simon smacked Matthew around the face.
"Oi!" Rosie pushed between them and cupped Matthew's face in her hands. "Don't ruin the complexion."

"Did you audition for the role?" I asked Taron.
"I was only 10 carrot." He sighed.
"Why didn't you get it?" Katelyn turned to Seb.
"Why didn't Hitler became a stripper instead of a dictator? So many question we cannot answer." He replied.

We decided to leave the conversation there.

"What do we do about the zombies then?" I sobbed. Taron offered me his sunglasses to make me feel better. They're orange and shaped like carrots in honour of me.
"Wee Orsino.......Tea is two for one, only on Tuesdays!!..........the only man I ever truly loved is dead!!" Tyrone was still in a bit of a state.
"OH MY GOD ARGH!!" Shrieked Katelyn, dropping the rope. Orsino had sat up.
"Are you undead babe?" Tyrone asked, snapped out of his misery.
"Grrrr." Was the reply.

We all jumped up screaming as a real zombie was in our midst.

"Bally blast! We are doomed!" Cried Matthew.

In that moment I could see a large bird in the sky. As it glides down towards us, I saw it wasn't a bird at all.

It was Mycroft floating down with his umbrella. Like that nanny that sings. Greg cling onto him for dear life.
"Can I open my eyes yet Mike?" Quivered Greg.
"Yes we have landed now Gregory. Kindly remove your grasp from my waist whilst your at it." Mycroft did his sarcastic smile.
"What's all the fuss about?" Sighed Mycroft.
"Orsino's a zombie." Said Rosie, as if it was obvious.
"No he isn't." Came the reply.
"Um....I think you'll find he is bestie." Pointed out Katelyn.
"How many zombies do you know that kiss people like that?" Scoffed Greg.

We turned to see Tyrone and Orsino eating each other in the corner.
"Are.....are you dead?" I called.
Orsino put Tyrone down and turned to me. "What makes you think I'm dead?" He asked.

And then I woke up and it was all a dream.

The End.