D&S

Chapter # 5

Ester, Am I awake for you or I couldn't sleep because of you?

***

She scared me to no extent, what If something happened to her? She is my responsibility. I can't let anyone hurt her... except me. But, she made me feel so scared when she didn't come back early, I almost lost myself, my breath, when I couldn't find her.

I sighed deeply, my mind is feeling undesirable emotions which are utterly disturbing and I don't want that thought to even cross my mind. That pathetic woman is making me feel strange, something I haven't felt in a while.

I shook my head and made hot chocolate for her. I have seen her drinking it quite a few times so I guess she liked it.

I came to her and handed her the cup and sat beside her, I felt somehow calm in her presence. That she is safe and beside me.

" NO! STOP IT YOU HATE HER! She is just a liability. You don't want to marry anyone, especially a pathetic girl like her! "

After scolding myself, I asked about her and scolded her too for scaring- petrifying me like this.

We exchanged a few words but they made me feel at ease and I wanted to talk to her more but I know I can't and shouldn't, it would be better for us.

I stood up and began to say,

"I know you don't believe it. But, I don't want to hurt- never mind." I said and left. I couldn't be able to say that I wanted her to be hurt. I want to tell her that I don't want her to hurt herself by loving me.

My love will only kill her from inside, it will be best that I will annul our marriage as soon as possible. but I don't know why, a sudden urge to talk to her aroused in me as if talking to her made me feel alive and something I haven't felt in years.

I felt happy. I wish Henry could be here so that he can think of a way to take her away, liberating me from her. Not being able to hold my feelings inside me I walked inside her room but she wasn't here.

She was sleeping where I set the fireplace, curling like a ball looking cute. I sat beside her and wrapped the blanket around her. An involuntary smile crept upon my lips when I looked at her.

"Ester.. wake up.." I called.

"Ester!" I called her a little loudly but not too much but she didn't even flinch. She must be sleeping heavily.

A chuckle escaped my lips as I turned to her slumbering from, sleeping peacefully, unaware how hateful I am and how I am thinking just to break her. I just don't understand why she agreed to marry me?

Just how delusional she is? She is too weak and I don't like her but still at the same time, I like her and want to protect her but someone like me can never be a protector.

I sighed deeply and brushed my fingers on the side of her face, my heart skipped a beat as I quickly pulled my hand back.

"Ester, you scared me. Why are you that stupid that you loves me that much? I don't deserve love. I am planning to break you apart, My love is deadly, Ester.

Don't love me. It will kill you. But I don't know why I want to eradicate you out of my life and at the same time, I don't want to lose you. Damn it it's just a week and you are doing this to me but I am determined to let you go. You and I can never be together but at the same time..

I want to tell you Ester.." I moved close to her face, feeling disheartened. I closed my eyes as a tear reflecting my dilemma and pain rolled down my cheek along with a sad smile as I whispered to her,