D&S

Chapter # 8

I stared at my 5 years old form, running after a butterfly. That's the butterfly I caught and kept it with me. I took great care of It. I gave it my full love and attention. But still, It died. I cried so much when it died. That's when my mother told me that some things need freedom more than affection. I tried to stop my child self to catch it, But it was too late. The butterfly was caught.

I felt dejected by the butterfly and turned away.

I saw my 15 years old self. I was trying to save the injured bird on the window next to my balcony. The window was fixed so, the only way to save that poor life is through the balcony. I can't see it in so much misery. I leaned on the railing and tried to approach the bird. The moment I moved a little closer, I slipped and fell from the balcony and crashed into the bench that was on the lower floor. I smiled when I looked at this because the last words escape my lips were,

"Save the bird." I motioned it to the people around me and lost consciousness. When I woke up, my father told me that he saved it. He told me that he also bought a cage for it, but I refused to cage the bird and told my father to release it.

That's how I got the scar at the back of my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and turned away again,

My eyes widened in horror when I saw me and Desmond on the rooftop of my home. That's the time he told me to cancel this marriage. I tried but couldn't. I wish I could have canceled it. So, I won't suffer like I am suffering now.

I began to think about how I would've met someone else. Someone who loves me and shows me affection. I shook my head to let these thoughts out of my head. Desmond is my husband. The only love of my life. I can't think about anyone but him. I am happy with him. A smile formed on my lips when the images of him carrying me back home flashed through my mind. I looked up and saw the night of our wedding, Where he confessed his hatred for me. All my strength faded away when I saw it. I fell on the ground and covered my head with my knees and began to cry. Then, I felt darkness over my eyes as I lost consciousness.

*******

My eyes slowly opened in a crepuscular room. I woke up in bed. My half lid eyes adjusted themselves in the murk. The room was dusky. There's only moonlight entering the room. I exhaled as I felt my fever go down a little. My head is still blazing but not as much as it did on the ball. Wait. What happened? I turned my head to my side. I am at home.

"So, the sleeping beauty finally woke up..." I heard a voice that was filled with mock and rage. It startled me when I realized that; This voice belongs to none other than Desmond. I forced myself to sit. My heart began to pound when I looked at him.

The moonlight was falling on his face, enhancing his handsome features and making them unnerving. The silhouette of his overpowered form elicits fear in my heart. His fingers are joined together. He gave me a seething look. His intensive glare embedded a deep terror in my soul. My grip on the blanket tightened, my throat dried due to fear. His eyes show a burning ferocity he has for me. My breath hitched when he took a step towards me. My dainty form began to pant in fright.

A never-ending shiver emerged from my soul and traveled throughout my body when he put his hands on the mattress. Adrenaline rushed through my veins when he crawled toward me.

"Des-" He put his index finger on his lips in a hushing manner. I opened my mouth but my voice stuck in my throat. My quivering lips can't even produce a sound in his lethal presence. The furious form of his, induced a dread in my vulnerable form. My hands were cold as ice due to the apprehension aroused by his aggravation. My shaking form is being crushed by the dread that is provoked within me by his terrorizing apparition. He crawled closer and I crawled back, unfortunately, my back hit the bed frame. He put his hands over mine. I shivered when his warm hands made contact with my cold ones.

His head was down, He slowly raised his head as his Piercing Gray eyes bore into my Sapphire Ones. He was letting out short breaths. My breathless form was consumed by his rage. His eyes show a fierce emotion.

I couldn't hold it any longer. Tears began to fall.

The moment a tear fell, He swiftly pinned me underneath him.

"Don't you dare to cry or make a sound "He hissed in pure anger. To say I am scared would be an understatement; I am petrified. My fever is not letting me speak, making me weaker than I already am. A shallow breath escaped my trembling form. My heart feels like it's gonna leap out of my chest. His grip tightened. I bit my lips to not let out any voice. His grip is so tight that it might stop the flow of the blood. He leaned in and inhaled my scent. His cologne smell is provoking a terror in me. His outraged gaze met my startled one. He unexpectedly turned me around and gripped my hair. I winced in pain.

"You... How dare you disgrace me at the ball," His furious voice drowns me in the pools of fears. Tears threatened to fall but I didn't let them. Still, a tear rolled down my cheek; too much to my dread. I gave Desmond a pleading look. His eyes held an unreadable expression in them for a split second. But, they were replaced by his anger soon enough.

"It's your fault. I told you I can't go." My horrified form managed to say. I buried my face inthe pillow, muffling my voice. My grip over the sheets tightened, afraid to bear the consequences I did what I should to lower his anger and let go of me. I apologized.

"I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry "I repeated. My face is a crying mess, I hate him and myself. How powerless I am.It hurts .

"Why are you like this!?" He whispered-yelled at me, loosening his grip over me and turning me to him. "I was. I am and I will be weak and delusional." I whispered. He narrowed his eyes at me in pity and put his hands on either side of me. "And you cannot change me." I said, finally stopping my cries and looking at his gaze which is emitting revolt and sympathy at the same time, "I regret the fact I married a person who is dead inside." He said breathlessly.
"It could have been a normal girl.." A dry chuckle left my lips when I heard it, "A normal girl would have left you on the very first day."

"Then why are you so desperate?!"
"Because that's who I am!" I yelled as my chest constricted in pain. "I believe one day you'll love me and I believed that illusion." I whispered, looking away. He scoffed as he got away from me.

"You are a disdain! A contempt in my eyes! I will never love you!" He spoke in his venomous voice and left.

I remained motionless when I heard it. I let out all those agonizing feelings in the form of silent tears. I hid my face under the pillow to muffle my loud cries. I cried at my misery. I cried how fate has bound me into a loveless marriage with a cold and cruel person. Everyone changes after their marriage but, He becomes scarier. I hope I could tell about the aversion he has in his heart for me, about how a single act of his filled me with terror. He is inducing such fears in my heart that I'll never be able to eradicate from my heart. How my powerless form lost itself in his presence. He is so cruel and cold.

Why am I doing this to myself?

His words of not wanting to hurt me are nothing but a lie. He will never let us become one.

After letting out my anguish, I was deprived of energy as a calm lull took over me and I found myself losing in that...

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have done this but we can't be together. He'll never let us. "

I felt a pair of lips on my forehead as I heard those words filling me with serenity. An involuntary smile was formed on my lip. Even though I can't recognize the voice and make that it's real or just one of my fantasy but it's an idyllic source of equanimity for me and I found myself losing it again..