D&S

Chapter # 14

 So that's what I am to him. A disdain. My worth has been the same ever since we met. Something that is forced upon him. I was an idiot to think that I could win his love. His eyes don't even shred a single hint of love and respect for me. He always made me feel like I am beneath his consideration. I stare blankly at the floor feeling so heartbroken. His words pierced my heart. He said those cruel words without thinking twice. That's my punishment for not believing his warning and giving into my patheticness.

I was so desperate for his love. I crave for it. I prayed to God for it. I woke up every single day in the hope that today the flares of my love would ignite his heart. I was so lost that I never realized that, It isn't love at all...

My eyes stare aimlessly at the floor. Today I realized one thing about our relationship. It consists of His Dominance and My Subjugation...

If that's what he wants...

After spending some hours, I stood on the railing. This pain, This love, This desperation of mine was it all for naught? Am I not allowed to feel loved? Why can't I have happiness in every aspect of life? Neither friends nor love... Is there nothing in my fate?

I was looking down. I saw Desmond leave. I swallowed hard and went inside. Is it my fault that I loved him? That I tried to work this marriage out? That I want nothing but his love?

I was sitting blankly as Savannah came,

"Ma'am, There's a call for you. From Mr Willows."

"Father," I whispered and went to pick the call. Why did he call the house landline? Anyways.

"Hello?" I said. Thanks to my voice which is soft or else father will know that I am shattered to pieces.

"What happened, Ester!?" Father asked, panicking. I smiled to myself. He knows me too well. He can understand from my voice that I am sad.

"Nothing.." I manage to breathe out, trying to hold my tears... I wish I could tell you but I know that you'll blame yourself because you choose Desmond for me. Once again, believing that delusion, I didn't tell him what I've been through.

"Tell me. Did anything happen? Your voice sounds croaked." He knows me.

"We just had a fight.." I heard my father's sigh.

"You scared me... Was it a trivial fight?"

"Yes." Only if it is a trivial fight. There's no such thing as fights in our relationship. It is filled with his absolute Power and Dominance. And everything here is abided by his rules. No one can go against him. And If you broke his rules you'll suffer its consequences.

"I see. By the way, I have called you but you didn't pick the phone."

"Oh, I'll find my phone and then call you.." I said as I cut the call. I couldn't hold them anymore, I let out agonizing tears. Despite my urge to tell father about everything, I remained silent.

I began to search for my phone. It was in my pocket. I searched a lot, the only place it could be is his study room. I went to his study. It's locked. I never knew he locked it. Then I went to Lily.

"Lily!" I called her.

"Yes, Ma'am?" She asked.

"Can you give me the keys to the house?" She smiled and nodded.

"Of course. I can. But, can you tell me why?"

"I left my phone in Desmond's study room" She nodded again and handed me the keys. I went to his study as she stood behind me. Of course, She wants them back as soon as possible. She can't risk losing it. I opened the door and went inside as Lily stood outside.

I began to search for my phone. It was on the floor. Finally! I picked it up. My eyes fell upon the papers on the desk. Those papers have my name on them and mention something related to our marriage. Maybe our marriage papers?

Curiosity gets the best of me. They intrigued me, how some papers have my name on them. Since they have my name I picked them up. My eyes widened in shock as I felt like my world was no more. I felt like I was falling into the abyss and understood why Desmond hates me that much. Why is he doing this, So that I annul this marriage.

"Why is the door opened?" I heard Desmond's voice. He is glaring at me while asking Lily.

"Sir, Ma'am left her phone here." He nodded and ordered Lily to leave. He closed the door behind him and looked at me.

Me, on the other hand, felt shattered. Utterly broken, like I was stabbed again and again.

"So that's what is all about..." I began to say.

"For all these months I was trying my best to be loved by you.. to gain your love and affection...."

"Ester.." He began to say but, I continued,

"I tried so hard to work this marriage out... I should have known that this marriage isn't supposed to work in the first place."

"Ester, Listen to m-"

"I bear your terrors, Your humiliation, Your hurtful words. Everything... just because I love you.. you should have told me...that-"

"ESTER!"He called my name loudly. I looked at him void of any emotions.

"That's why you hate me, don't you!?" I yelled at him and fell on the ground letting out all the grief he had given me. He took a step closer but I shouted at him,

"Don't you dare to come closer!" I continued to sob loudly.

"Ester... Listen... Please... I want-" Desmond tried to speak but I spoke up,

"I don't care what you want! I want liberation from this hell!" I wiped my tears and stood up and gave him a seething look.

"You want to be freed from this marriage. Fine, I'll release you." I threw the contract papers at his face as well as the shackle that binds me in this loveless marriage; my wedding ring.

He looked at me with wide eyes. I looked at his eyes. His eyes flicker the remorse of what he had done to me. The urge to ask for forgiveness is visible in his eyes. The affection I tried so hard to find. But, it disappeared because of his cruel nature as soon as I noticed it. His guilt was replaced by his dominance.

"Fine." That's all he said. I walked out of the room and went to our-his room. It was so easy for him. That's what he always wants. He never took this marriage seriously. To him, this marriage wasn't supposed to last. That's the reason he hated me. This is all just a contract to him. I took out my suitcase and packed my stuff. He came and leaned on the door frame.

"I'll drop you off.." He said. I didn't look up. I wiped the tears that rolled onto my cheek. I packed my stuff and we left for my home.

How silly I was to think that I could work this marriage out. That, he'll love me. He just wants to get away from me. He just wants to leave me as soon as possible. That's what he's been trying to do for the past 10 months...