D&S

Chapter # 19

Ester, A single shard from the broken glass of my heart was fixed by you.

***

"If she died because of this then why did you belittle my love, Desmond? Did you want me to have the same fate as her?" She asked, tears began to roll down her cheek as well.

Her words brought me out from the web of agony Henry entangled me in for a second and showed me the light of what I have done to her in all this time was so wrong and my action broke us apart. It's all my fault to be manipulated by Henry in the first place.

We were so much more than I let us be. Stagger filled me as a repulsion for myself, arised in me and ate me up. I lost my capability to speak, overwhelmed by grief and pain which is a constant source of anguish for me; I shattered.

When I was in darkness of astonishment, lacking response to her words of actuality, Ester spoke up again.

"Why..?" Her croaked voice came out like a vague whisper. She was heartbroken as if all the hopes she cling onto are once again broken by me.

But that's not the case, she was angry yet sad. Her eyes reflect seething but her aura is like wallowed in despair. And I was deluged in misery and penitence. Both of our faces glistened in tears as I began to cry,

"I was afraid to love you... fearing my love might not... "

I raised my ashamed and fragmented gaze and looked at her and continued with my quivering lips, "Take your life."

Her words showed my path, I pushed my tranquility away myself, I broke the home she built by my own hands. I lost my redemption because of my own stupidity. She has the right to be angry.

But her pain is much more than her anger. She looked at me, our lost hearts of utterly crushed hopes met in the gloom and flickered that despair in our eyes and she said,

"But it took yours, Desmond."

My eyes widened in terror when she said that, I could not fathom her words, the depth of abyss filled with the lethal apparitions of Grace I always saw ever since then are nothing but a... lie?

What am I? My everything stopped, I was baffled, not having the ability to feel. I become motionless- almost lifeless, trying to apprehend her words.

In the midst of murk, where I was trying to find my own self and looking for a path to get out of this loop of destruction, She hugged me.

She hugged me close and kissed my head, tightening her arms around me, embracing me and making me feel protected.

In her arms, the steps of my life began to move further with her name as my breath etched her name on my heart, my soul. My lips were quivering, I was panting heavily but I hugged her back, not wanting to lose the hope I died to find.

"Listen to me, Desmond." She called me and pulled away and cupped my cheek, looking deeply into my eyes and continued.

"It's not your fault. Whoever carved this in your mind wants you to be miserable. Only the weak ones who cannot overcome obstacles run away from their problems. Just like you and me who also did the same but Desmond, you are not her murderer. It's not your fault. You have all the rights to choose the person you love and you cannot force anyone to love you."

"You can try to make them love you just like I did but you cannot force them to feel the same for you. Not everyone has what they desire, what they lost might not be good for them, losing life is not an option and blaming the one who left behind for it is nothing but a dirty game. That's why please, don't be guilty about it, don't push others away because of something you never did."

She spoke her every word with such in-depth emotion which evoked a sudden power in me but the terror engraved in my heart because of Henry is irreparable.

My soul is submerged in that pool of repentance and there's no return from it; all I could do is to save others to be in the same condition as mine but it was so hard.

"It's almost a decade since then and I don't think your words can fix this, Ester..." I whispered, pulling away from her and hugging my sides close and hiding my face from her in shame, knowing I am far more delusional and scared than her.

"He.. He craved it in my soul that I am her killer." I said in a barely audible tone.

"He brainwashed you. Whoever it is is making you feel like this. Please don't become like me Desmond. Don't be weak and delusional. You are my strength; don't break. It's alright, I understand someone from the very start didn't want you to be with me but you broke from your cage and became mine and there's no need for you to put a wall between us anymore because my love for you will never cease. Nothing can overcome this."

She continued to assure me. Somewhere in my heart, I was happy by her support and consolation but in a hidden corner, I could hear the scream of suffering calling me a murderer and I was all alone in the dark, it was so loud and turned me oblivious of the other things.

"I can't do this, Ester."

"I am with you Desmond and I will take you out from this ocean of fire. Whoever elicits this in you, I will eradicate it. It's okay. A wrong person leads you astray but now I won't let you be in darkness anymore."

She wrapped herself around me and put me in the home of her arms, "Tell me who it was." She said, firmly. I remained silent and gulped.

"Desmond. Tell me." She made me look at her, her eyes bore into mine. Reflecting the sheer determination of breaking the labyrinth of horror in mind. Sucking the poison running in my veins- eternal devotion.

"Henry..." Her eyes widened in shock and she replied, "Grace is alive.." I lowered my head and began to tell her,

"No.. she is not.. She is another woman Henry hired to act as Grace to pull us apart. He is resolved to not let me love anyone. He says my love can take people's lives. That's why I was afraid to love you and did all those cruel things to you.

After Grace died, he called me her murderer and ever since then, that thing has taken over my sense; I am her killer. I took her life. I don't know when and how but soon I began to consider myself guilty and become like this..."

"Henry is doing this because he needs some to blame for his sister's death but it's not you. Even if the world says you are, I will be by your side, proving your innocence. You. Are. Not. At Fault." She enunciated.

A smile crept upon my lips, I moved and rested the weight on my heart on her shoulders, taking a peaceful breath and closing my eyes, receiving a lull.

"Don't leave me." I spoke feebly, putting my head on her shoulder. We remained like this for a moment but then she spoke up again,

"Now, Desmond... Tell me about our marriage."

"What about it?" I asked.

"Our anniversary. The contract. How you fell for me. Everything." She said, putting her hand over my head.

"I promise, I won't be angry or sad, I just want to know." She whispered reassuringly. I hummed and nuzzled to her neck, not opening my eyes and told her,

"I never want to get married in the first place but Father insisted on meeting you and I thought after I threatened you, you would say no to the marriage but you said yes."

"I had no intentions of loving so I wanted to avoid it but Father proposed the contract and I was left with no choice but to marry you. Henry told me I am toxic and if I began to love you and it wore out one day you would die and I tried my best to push us away but the more I tried to stop this- I fell for you."