D&S

Chapter # 12

Ester, you are my blessing.

***

That's the point where everything started, Henry entered our lives and made me do things I never wanted to. He tormented me more than my fault. Okay, I get it Grace died because she loves me but it's not like I killed her or it was my fault. Why is he making me suffer more than my crime?

I was at the bar, not being able to understand what I should do. I took shots of tequila, wanting to earn a reprieve from this unwanted situation of turmoil and felt free for once.

I sometimes wished that I would have never loved Ester so that none of this would have happened. How peaceful it would be if I remained as I was. Bipolar and cold, holding my emotions inside me never has a source of salvation. The depth of my misery sometimes sounds better but then I remember how she changed me, how I found a shore to my fire of agony.

The fact that her presence is enough for me to overcome every obstacle of my life is enough and if I began to compare my life with and without her, I guess I know what the results were... I tried to kill myself without her, not wanting to breath without her name over my lips.

Her devotion did this. She was so determined to love me that when I broke it, it hurt me a lot. When the rays of her hope shattered by me, it crumbled me apart and I never want to hurt her again. She is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me, I don't want to go anyplace other than her.

Utterly drunk, I went home. I could barely open my eyes. I entered and saw Ester, running around in the house for no reason at all. She does that from time to time, whenever she is happy or excited... just like she was running around in blithe on the day before our anniversary... leave it!

As she was running I caught her wrist and pulled her back. She stumbled on my chest, her back was pressed against my chest. Her breath hitched as her eyes widened, a blush crept upon her cheek, she was flushed. She turned to look at me, I nuzzled her neck and wrapped my arms around her.

"D-Desmond... are you drunk?" She asked hesitantly. I hummed and implanted a kiss over her neck and turned her to me. I took steady steps toward her as she moved back and smiled nervously , "I-I .. uh... I need to go.." She was about to leave but I held her arms and pulled her close to me again. I was breathing heavily, not in my senses. I cannot even do what I am doing.

"You know what, Ester?" I began to say in a raspy voice. She looked at me timidly as I continued, "I want to ask you something.." I said, moving my other hand over her and she seemed uncomfortable. Her gaze was tense which is stressing me more.

"When you are that weak how come your love is strong?" I asked, pressing my body against her. Her lips began to quiver, a sad smile crept upon her lips as she replied in a whisper,

"Because it's real. Not some obligation." Her answer made me feel calm but the fact that she is not liking my intimacy is pissing me off.

"But you know what, Ester. It becomes your ravage." I said huskily. I pushed her against the pillar and kissed her intensely. I moved my lips upon her hers possessively. She held my shirt tightly while shutting her eyes. She was trembling violently, I could feel her shivers and the feeling of terror she emit whenever I am close to her. I pulled away panting heavily. A tear rolled down her cheek and she said in a barely audible tone, "Please... get away, Desmond." I smirked and leaned in, "Why?"

"Don't you like my touch?" I asked.

"No! I.. It's j-just.. your.. s-sudden.. intimacy.. s-scares me.." She stuttered. "But I am your husband... I can touch you whenever I like.." I said, breathlessly. I know I am going to regret this when I wake up but I am not even apprehending what I am doing.

"With my consent." She added.

I wrapped my arm around her back and pulled her to me. I put my index finger under her chin and lifted it, "Do you just talk back to me?" I asked in an angry whisper. Her eyes widened in terror.

Affright deluged her, her hands were shaking. The look of terror glistened in her eyes, "Get away, Desmond." She said firmly, losing her breath.

"I won't bear your drunk drama." She said again, pulling away from me but I didn't let her go.

"You think you can push me away?" I asked threateningly.

"You know what? Sometimes, I wish I never loved you so that none of this would have happened. I was so happy alone in my misery but you came into my life like a liability and became the most beautiful thing I could ever ask for. I cannot even think about spending a second without you. Why did you come into my life? You are my weakness... You have become my reason to live, Ester. Stop it... Make it stop.." I said in a low broken tone. My angered voice slowly turned into desperation. She kept looking at me with a glint of sadness.

"Stop what, Desmond?" She asked softly.

"Stop it.. It's all happening because of you.." I said as a tear fell from my eyes. My grip on her tightened as I began to say vehemently, "But I will never let you go... Never."

"D-Desmond.. You are drunk." She said afraid.

"Listen to me Ester," I said in a commanding tone, she gasped, convulsing under my piercing gaze, " I have been bearing all this for you. You. Will. Never. Leave. Me." I spoke with my voice dangerously low and dark. She swallowed the lump in her throat, absolutely terrified of my behavior, "Understood?"

"Y-Yes. Now, Please leave me, Desmond." I narrowed my eyes at her, scanning her frightened form, seeing how much she is scared of me, how my little action can evoke the fear running in her veins.

The irremovable terror induced in her heart, masked by her love. The devotion of hers which is keeping her together as her love subdues her terrors and I know I have to make up for it when I will regain my senses. I let her go, she stumbled back and ran away from me.