𝚒 𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 || yeongyu

𝖘𝖎𝖝𝖙𝖞 𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗

(tw) self harm

-

soobin eventually picked beomgyu up, and while he wanted to stay with yeonjun, he knew it was probably best he didn't spend all of his time with him. the last thing he wanted was for yeonjun to get tired of him.

it was early morning now, and beomgyu and soobin were walking to their homeroom class, much against their will.

beomgyu hadn't spoken to yeonjun since the night before, as they had said their sweet goodbyes as the younger left and then they both fell asleep.

beomgyu laid his head against his desk in defeat, patiently waiting for the time to pass to send him to his first class of the day. soobin sat next to him, occupied on his phone with something.

a few moments later the late bell rang, and there was no sign of yeonjun once again.

a small amount of anxiety pricked beomgyu's throat, but he fought it down and chalked it up to be the older running late again. that's exactly what it was.

yeonjun wished the younger's assumption was correct.

the older was sat in his bed, an unmistakable lump in his throat as tears spiked his eyes, curled up to the tip of his nose under his blanket.

he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed, let alone text beomgyu to tell him he was okay.

was he okay?

he would have to decide that, and right now, it wasn't necessarily going down the correct path for him to approach that happily.

which is how yeonjun found himself moving from his bed, to the bathroom. he stayed wrapped up tight in his blanket, hugging himself as he stumbled into the room that held every fight with himself, frowning into the mirror as he did so.

the bags under his eyes had grown, his cheekbones already seeming more hollow than before despite it only having been a day and some hours since he began feeling this way.

what he really noticed were his eyes.

they reflected nothing of what yeonjun was normally made of; they were dark and cold, and if he didn't know himself enough, he would almost be shocked at the stranger in the mirror.

his hand peeled out of the depths of the blanket to rub across his face, meshing his cheeks together and scrunching his nose. it didn't do anything to ground him.

yeonjun didn't bother to fix his messy hair, and upon closer inspection, he realized how puffy his eyes were from crying the night before.

his eyes flicked down to the sink, where he knew his blade sat.

he really should've thrown it away a few days ago.

because now it sat, taunting him.

yeonjun burst into tears suddenly, harshly staring down the sharp piece of metal that seemed to take hold of his life. he didn't want to be controlled by it, yet in the depths of his mind, that's all he wanted.

he wanted to take the blade to his skin and not worry about the consequences, if just to save a bit of the pain he felt inside. the fear of never being good enough, the constant need to be the best due to his parents, the fear of losing beomgyu.

the last one always hurt him the most when he fell into his mind.

how he could never live with himself if he hurt the younger, or even how he couldn't live with himself if he were to be the reason beomgyu left him.

yeonjun harshly grabbed the blade from the counter, not worrying about the way it nicked his fingers. he dropped his blanket on the bathroom floor, yanking his shirt up without another second to waste on his mind.