I, Love

23 - I Trust You

Jennifer's POV

I walked her inside and to her bedroom, where she threw herself on the bed.
She was half awake, half asleep. I kneeled down to take her heels off, then her pants, and then I shoved her into the bed more and covered her with her sheets.

„I'm gonna get some water and you'll just stay here, okay?"
She mumbled something and I went downstairs where I called Ben while getting her water.
He picked up.

„Baby, listen, I know it sounds bad, but I am
at Leah's. She got so wasted and threw up and I don't wanna leave her alone in this condition."
„Okay baby.", he responded quickly.
„I...uhm..", I wasn't expecting that.
„Thanks for calling and letting me know. I trust you.", he said.
How is this man so fucking perfect?
„I love you.", I told him.
„I love you too."

I got back to Leah. She was already asleep, but I woke her up and made her drink water. I supported her head so she could.
„Okay, now sleep. I'm gonna stay.", I said and put my palm on her forehead.
She smiled and nodded off again.

I went into the bathroom to undress and get bed-ready, then got myself one of Leah's sleeping shirts.

I layed in bed next to her, with separate sheets and listened to her breathing until I nodded off as well.

When I woke up, Leah had snuggled into my neck, her head was right under my chin and her hair felt tickly on my skin.
She had wrapped one arm and one of her legs around me and I was kinda trapped there.
She hadn't been so close since... a long time. Since we last had sex. I started playing with her hair and my heartbeat got a little faster.

‚I can't. I can't.', I kept saying to myself, trying to slow my heartbeat down. But it didn't work.
„Mornin'", Leah mumbled.
„Morning.", I replied.
Leah streched, but didn't change her position.
„Ohh ouch..", she said and put her hand on her forehead.
„How you feelin'?", I asked her softly.
„Like shit. My head hurts."
„I'll get you some aspirin.", I said, wanting to get up.
„No just.. stay a minute longer.", she said and wrapped her arm around me again.
„Okay.", I whispered.

There's no way she hadn't notice my heartbeat by now.
After a while I said: „Okay, now let me get you something."

I got in the kitchen and got myself some water too while looking for her aspirin.
I found it and got back upstairs.
„There you go."
Leah sat back up, whimpering and holding her head. She took the pill and I handed her her water. She swallowed, handed me the glass back and let herself fall back to bed.

„You wanna brush your teeth maybe?", I asked her.
„Why, do I smell?", she asked.
„You threw up yesterday, I thought maybe you wanted to.."
„I threw up?", she interrupted.
„Don't you remember?"
„Obviously not. It's a blur."

„Okay.", she then said. „I'll get up."
She sat up and let her feet hang off the bed while I was standing beside her, just in case.

She got up and walked to the bathroom. Still a little unstable, but she made it.
I waited in her bedroom. Then I heard the shower going on. She was right there, in the room next to me. Naked. And wet. I played with my fingers nervously.

Suddenly I heard a thud from inside the shower and Leah cursing „Shit!".
I got up and ran to the door. „Do you need help?", I yelled inside. I heard her whimper and went inside.

She was laying on the floor in the shower, holding her head.
„Leah!", I immediately ran into the shower.
„Oh god, fuck!", I yelled as the scorching hot water hit my skin. I turned the water off and helped Leah up.
We walked out of the shower and I helped her sit on a chair in the bathroom, then got her a towel and wrapped her up. I kneeled in front of her. Water was dripping down my hair and body.

„Are you okay?", I asked her, cupping her face and holding her head up.
She nodded softly. Her wet hair slightly brushed over my hands, and waterdrops fell from it, landing on my skin, where they ran down my arms.

I wanted to kiss her badly.
Instead I put my hands on her thighs and said: „Are you crazy showering this hot??"
„I always do."
„But you can't in your condition!"
„Oh thank you smarthead, I know.", she said in a bratty tone.
„You didn't, obviously.", I mumbled.
„Oh shut up."

She gave me a look and we both had to laugh.
We locked eyes and Leah brushed strands of my wet hair out of my face. I closed my eyes at her touch.
„If I could I'd kiss you right now.", she said and put her palm on my cheek, brushing her thumb over it slowly.
I inhaled shakily.
„Leah I..."
„I know.", she said and forced a smile.

She leaned down anyway to kiss my cheek very softly and whispered „Thank you.".
I couldn't take it anymore. My heart was beating almost out of my chest and I felt a strong pull towards her. I gave in and let that pull conquer me in this moment of weakness. I narrowed my eyebrows, turned my head and kissed her. She kissed me back and waves of sensation crawled through my whole body. She grabbed my head and we kissed more passionately as I was trying to get back a sense of myself.

I can't do this. I turned my head away.
„I can't.", I whispered.
„But you want to.", she whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my skin.
I whimpered quietly.
I don't want to. Except, I want to.
I don't want to hurt Ben, but god, I want her.
She kissed my cheek up to my ear.
„Oh god.", I whispered.
„Let me love you, Jennifer."
I whimpered again.

My body basically screamed ‚Yes, love me! Love me good Leah!'
While my head calmy said ‚You can't because you love Ben. Now get yourself together!'

„No.", I said with all the strength that I could bring up and quickly got up. „I can't hurt Ben. I just can't.", I said shakily.
„But you can't play with me like that either!", Leah said.
„I mean, what was all of that Never Have I Ever shit about? You want me. And from what I know, you even have feelings for me.", Leah continued, wrapped the towel around herself properly and got up too.

„I do!", I said loudly. „Okay? I do! But what am I supposed to do here exactly?" I used my hands to gesture strongly, while I was trying to hold back my tears.
„I don't know!", Leah yelled back.

„What about you?", I asked her in a more quiet tone.
„What, what about me?"
„Do you have feelings for me?", I asked her.
I remembered her saying it in the car on the way home yesterday, but she was drunk as hell.

Leah looked down on the floor, then back up again.
„I do. I feel more for you than a best friend should, probably."
I turned away from her. „Shit."
„Not quiet the reaction I was hoping for.", Leah said funnily.

„Can you stop being silly?", I asked her and turned back to face her.

„So what now?", Leah asked me.
I inhaled and exhaled deeply.
„I don't know. I don't know what to do..", I felt tears running down my face.
„Oh baby.", Leah said and came to hug me. „Baby...",  Leah repeated herself and rubbed my back.

„I feel like I'm just hurting both of you right now.", I cried.
„I'm not a good friend. Or a good girlfriend. I'm such a mess.", I kept on going.

„No you're not. You just... you're human, first of all. And you're a lover. Always have been. I've never met anyone with a bigger heart.", Leah tried to cheer me up.
„Yeah? But if that's true then why do I hurt the people I love?"
„Sometimes love takes unexpected twists and turns.", she said.

I sobbed.
„Are you happy?", Leah asked all of a sudden and looked at me.
„Am I.. happy?", I asked back.
She nodded.
„Am I happy... I.. yes I am but... when it comes to you, I'm obviously not, because... I want us back.", that came out easier than I thought it would.
„And what are you gonna do about it?"
„You're asking tough questions for a sunday morning.", I said and continued: „I don't know."