lethal cure | javon walton

javon's final note

harlee's pov:
saturday

my eyes lightly closed shut as I let out my last large breath of air.

I opened my eyes as my fingers slowly opened up the letter.

here goes nothing, wanna.

———

for harls,

this is going to be a rough letter for me to write.

ultimately because there's so many things you deserve an explanation for.

and I don't really know how to start this, I'm mainly just free handing it.

I have so much that I want to say to you but I'm not good at expressing my feelings.

in all honesty though this note should never get to you because if it does, that defeats the whole purpose of me hurting you in the first place.

and the only other person who should know about this is jaden. but if it somehow does end up in your hands.. here's what I have to say.

harlee grey mccain

I will forever treasure you and these few months that I've gotten to spend with you.

I understand if you don't forgive me after this, and forgiveness is not what I want. I want you to have an explanation of why I am the way I am.

or was.

in no way does this justify everything I haven't told you about, but you deserve to know now.

you've always deserved to know.

I just couldn't bring it in myself to open up my heart when I've never done it before. this was all so new to me.

who I used to be is in no way the person I am now. it's a whole lot different than the javon you're used to.

I'm so glad I didn't know you in such a dark period of my life because if anything I was a monster.. which is the complete opposite of you.

harlee, you're someone who has shown me the beauty in life and that it really is worth living for.

when my mom passed away it really ruined me on how I viewed my life. she was my world and I love her more than I can describe.

right before she passed away we were in an argument.

and I will never ever forgive myself for that. for as long I live.

it was something stupid honestly. something that could've been easily resolved, but it wasn't.

my family went through a really bad stage once my mom passed, because in all honesty she was like my best friend.

and as cliché as it sounds, she really held us together like glue.

that first year without her was unbearable — for all of us.