Every time Cole's eyes locked with Kai's soul mark, a dagger of guilt twisted in his chest.
A dagger that was his own damn fault. A dagger that he could've prevented. A dagger that he had full capability of pulling out if he wanted to.
"Skylor, I don't know how you're passing pre-calc right now. Our teacher's an asshole, I think his class is literally just impossible." Kai laughed, and the dagger plunged itself deeper into Cole's heart.
They were seated at a picnic at the park, chatting with Skylor and Vania and drinking slushies from the nearby gas station. It was supposed to be a fun, lighthearted way to end their school week, and for the most part, it was.
Kai was sitting across from him, the setting sun perfectly reflecting his emerald eyes and shining off of his unfairly perfect hair. Cole was staring again, and he knew he should stop before he got caught and got ripped on for it. But then again, there were a lot of things should do, weren't there?
Kai was wearing a short sleeved shirt. It was almost summer, of course he was, but that didn't make it hurt any less. His hands rested on the bench in front of him, giving Cole a perfect view of the markings on his wrist.
...But, at the end of the day, he tolerated the guilt. Because the dagger in his chest, piercing through his heart with no care for his emotions, was undoubtedly better than the unthinkable consequences that would unfold if he had the balls to rip it out. He could deal with the dagger in his chest, he could deal with the guilt constantly eating away at him and making him feel like the worst person on the planet. He could deal with all of that for Kai, and Kai only.
For his overwhelming selfish desire to remain on speaking terms with his super best friend, because lord knows that wouldn't be the case if he just bit the bullet and told him. Because while he could deal with all of that, he couldn't deal with losing Kai.
The truth was that Kai's soul mark was also his own. A guitar and a rock symbol lay on both of their wrists, representing Kai and Cole respectively, connecting them eternally.
"There's more than air up here, you know!" Skylor said, a look of exaggerated anger on her face. Or Cole assumed there was, anyway— he was much more focused on not throwing up from the sheer emotions overwhelming him than whatever Skylor was talking about.
Kai didn't know that. Kai thought his soulmate was someone he hadn't had the pleasure of meeting yet. Someone that he may never get the chance to meet. Someone that was anyone but his best friend that had fucked himself and Kai over by falling for him and getting them stuck together for eternity.
Cole ought to just tell him. It was May, the summer warmth beginning to set in, the flowers lining the sidewalks begging to bloom, their junior year of highschool coming to a close. It was May, and his birthday had been in October. He'd been hiding this from Kai for seven months, and Cole knew he needed to just get it over with before he sealed his fate and ended up taking this lie to the grave.
But he couldn't. He couldn't tell him, not if the barrel of a gun was pressed against his neck.
"Yeah, what? Are you saying girls can't be smart, Kai?" Vania adds, teasing. It reminds him of when they were dating. Of when things were simpler, before this mess had to come into his life and hit him upside the head with a brick.
Cole remembered the night vividly, the night he'd committed to this damn lie that ate away at him 24/7. It had been approaching midnight on his birthday, and he and Vania had laid on his bedroom floor awaiting for the confirmation that they were destined to be together. He'd thought, no, he'd known he was the rose on her right wrist.
And sure, a rose didn't represent him in the slightest, and hm, wow, that rock symbol on Kai's soul mark definitely seemed to fit him more, what a coincidence, but he was certain. Certain that he and Vania were destined to be together, and certain that his inability to stop fucking thinking about his stupid best friend meant absolutely nothing.
