Cole and Kai relaxed in Kai's bed, Cole playing Mario Kart on his Switch and Kai doing something on his phone. They weren't talking much, they'd been in silence for the past hour since they had gotten home from Kai's basketball practice.
Cole went with him. Even if Kai always said it'll be boring, Cole didn't care, he loved watching him play his favorite sport, and vice versa.
The silence wasn't for any particular reason, they were simply basking in each other's presence. Cole glanced over at his boyfriend, wearing Cole's Queen t-shirt that was way too big for him, he looked utterly precious, like a gentle flower that Cole wanted to hold and protect from the world. Cole felt that way about Kai since they first met in preschool, even if he didn't know it at the time.
"God fucking damnit!" Cole hissed.
"What?" Kai asked, not looking up from his phone.
"Got hit by a blue shell. Those things are the worst dude" he huffed and continued attending to his game.
"Yeah." Something about Kai's tone caused Cole to pause his game. He knew Kai well enough to be able to tell when something was wrong. He sounded off put and distant, like his mind was in another place.
He set his switch on the bedside table, putting all his focus on Kai, "Are you okay?"
Kai glanced at Cole and gave a halfhearted smile but his eyes gave away how he was really feeling, "Yeah! I'm good" he quickly went back to his phone to avoid Cole's gaze. But Cole wasn't going to let it go that easily.
"I know you better than that Kai, what's up?"
"Nothing."
"C'mon babe, what's wrong~?" he said the last word in a singsong voice, trickling his fingers along his boyfriend's arm. Kai tried to hide a smile.
"Stop it" he said this with no anger or malice behind it.
"Babe, what's bothering you? Tell me, you know you want to" his hand was on his stomach now.
"Nothing! I swea- AHAHA COLE!" Cole tickled Kai's stomach, leaping on top of him and feeling his heart soar at the laughter that erupted from his favorite person. It was his favorite sound in the world.
"Okay, okay! Stop- I'll tell you!" he was out of breath, cheeks flushed and a genuine smile had crept upon his face now, a direct contrast to the fabricated one from earlier. Cole stayed on top of Kai, positioning himself on his elbows, pressing gentle kisses to his forehead, nose and lips.
Once he finished kissing every square inch of his face, Kai sighed lovingly, looking at Cole like he put the stars in the sky.
Cole felt his chest thud a little harder than usual. Even after dating for months (and having feelings for Kai for the past...who knows how many years) he felt that same elevated feeling when he had romantic moments with Kai as he did when he was pining for him. He still felt just as lovesick and excited. He didn't think that would ever change.
"You can talk to me, Kai. I'm right here" he caressed his cheek, thumbs brushing the freckles that danced across his skin.
"I don't know- it's so fucking stupid but..." he exhaled, looking up at nothing, trying to form the words. Cole was patient, continuing to graze his cheek, "I got a Snapchat memory from a few years ago, it was of all of us hanging out and y'know... you and Vania were together at that time. It just set me off I guess. I feel really... god I don't know."
Kai's eyes were glassy but he wasn't exactly crying. In fact, in their 13 years of knowing each other Cole had only seen Kai cry a few times. Kai always tried to be the stable one, tried to keep his feelings under wraps and he absolutely hated crying in front of people.
Kai wished he wasn't so ashamed of his emotions, he wanted him to feel comfortable expressing them. The worst part is he knew deep down that Kai did cry in private, probably wishing someone was there to comfort him but too scared to show that part of himself to others. It hurt Cole's heart in the worst way possible.
"It's just like, I love you so much Cole. I've waited for... for this" he grabs the other boy's hand "for so long. I'm so scared of losing it- losing it or messing it all up. I'm scared that I'll never be as good as her or anyone else." Now he was actually getting choked up and Cole's stomach sank, he wished he could pull those negative thoughts right out of Kai's head and shred them into pieces. Kai deserved only happiness and Cole was determined to make him feel it.
"Fuck, I didn't mean to cry. I'm so fucking pathetic."
"No baby, no. You're not pathetic at all." Cole kissed Kai's knuckles and wiped his tears with his free hand.
"Listen, when I was with Vania, I didn't even like her. Truthfully. But- but that's not the point. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Kai. I've been head over heels for you since we were like eleven years old dude. I wouldn't trade you for the world." Kai laughed dryly.
Cole grabbed his face, kissing him hard, hoping his love would somehow transfer to Kai through his lips, or something. He needed Kai to believe what he was saying, that was all that mattered to him.
"I'm fucking serious, Kai. Nobody compares to you, nobody could make me change my mind about you. I love you and nobody else, okay?" Kai didn't say anything, and instead responded with a nod as he wiped his eyes.
Cole meant what he said with his whole heart. He'd known Kai for basically his entire life. Scratch that- Kai was his life. Since he was a kid he would have taken a bullet for Kai without a moment of hesitation.
He'd rip his heart out of his chest if Kai so asked. He never wanted Kai to feel like Cole loved someone more than him or thought of him as inadequate, because it was so painfully far from the truth.
Cole gave Kai another kiss and flopped onto his chest because positioning himself on his elbows for that long was getting uncomfortable and he wanted to be closer to Kai anyways. He could hear his heartbeat and he found it so endearing. Cole even liked his heartbeat. He nearly rolled his eyes at how in love he was.
He broke the silence after a couple minutes, "You never told me about these feelings before, how long have you had them?"
"I don't know, forever I guess? I think I have abandonment issues or something. I feel like this with a lot of people but it's more intense with you, cause you're you. You're more special than everyone else and losing you would destroy me" Kai blinked newly formed tears away.
"I usually just deal with it on my own. I get jealous so easily and I hate it, Cole. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid of seeming possessive or something." Kai looked more vulnerable than Cole had ever seen him and he felt so connected to his lovely boyfriend at that moment.
Cole couldn't help but kiss him again and he let it linger for a little longer this time. "You're my entire world, Kai. I'm not leaving until you tell me to, and even then I'll put up a good fight." Kai laughed at that, the grin on his face not dissipating.
"I love you Cole."
"I love you too."
"Do you promise to never leave?"
"I promise, Kai."
Kai hummed and pet Cole's raven hair, his fingers working like magic on his head.
"Why would I ever leave when my boyfriend gives such good head massages?" Cole said, words muffled due to being pressed against Kai's shirt. Kai snorted.
Eventually Cole felt himself falling asleep and he could tell Kai was too, the pauses between each head scratch becoming bigger. Cole snuggled up closer to him and gave him a soft, almost ghost of a kiss on his chest before letting the two of them drift off together, dreams riddled with each other and moments they'd had and moments they'd hoped to have in the future.
And for the first time, Kai went to sleep not worried one bit about the security of his relationship with Cole, knowing that in moments of anxiety and negative emotions Cole would always be there to reassure him.
