𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗠𝗢𝗗𝗘 | 𝗡𝗖𝗧 𝗗𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠

Not Okay | Renjun Imagine #2

Title: Not Okay

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Warnings: mentions of a make-out session, self-harm, mental health stuff :/

Word Count: 747

Author's Note: Firstly, thank you to the person who requested this. Honestly, I just started this story yesterday. But I was contemplating whether I should actually post it. Thanks to @flowerjun, I found the motivation to finish it today! As for the story, I have to warn you that what happens is not pretty. I don't even know what I was thinking about writing this. But I will admit that the emotions of the reader are mine. I've been in a very dark place recently, and I hope that none of you experience that. It's awful and sickening, and I hate myself every day. Mental illness is no joke, and if you are hurting, please please don't suffer in silence. Right now I'm secretly hoping you guys skip this author's note because I think this is the most real I've been with you guys lol. I'm so sorry.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

The smacking of lips was the only sound that could be heard. Not that anyone else was there to walk in on possibly the steamiest makeout session you and your boyfriend have ever experienced. With you laying underneath him, and your arms wrapped around his neck while his hands were glued to your waist.

Just a few minutes ago, you were cuddling on the couch, and talking about his day. But when he tried to ask how you'd been, you leaned in for a passionate kiss. He was caught off guard because you rarely initiated affection due to your reserved nature, especially kisses. So as much as Renjun wanted this moment to last, he could sense something was off.

At first, you thought Renjun just needed some air when you felt him pull away. But then he moved off of you. Though the room was dark, you could see a hint of concern in his eyes.

"(Y/n)," He breathed. "What's wrong?"

His question instantly caused knots to form in your stomach. But you tried to play it off with a suppressed laugh.

"Nothing! I just...I just missed you, that's all." You weren't entirely lying. Honestly, you couldn't remember the last time you were together for more than an hour.

Regardless, Renjun didn't buy your response. He wasn't going to let you brush him off so easily.

"Are you sure that's it?" He asked gently. "Sweetheart, you can talk to me."

Almost defensively, you pulled away when he took your hand. Dozens of curses were already flying in your head. You knew very well that Renjun wouldn't let you go now.

You heard him suck in his breath. He truly hoped that you weren't doing what he thought you were doing. But judging by your body language, he feared his suspicions were correct. A familiar heartache filled him.

"(Y/n), you didn't..." His voice trailed off.

The warm gaze he was giving you, was the same as the first time you opened up to him. You wondered how someone could look at you with such unconditional love. How could he still love you who was so...broken?

Once he felt the resistance gradually leave you, he cautiously reached for your hand again. Panic arose in your chest when he took hold of your wrist.

He paused to look up at you. "Can I?"

A shaky breath left you, before nodding. You didn't say anything as he rolled your sweater sleeve up to your elbow.

Renjun's heart broke when he saw your pale arm, marred by past scars and...the next ones. The cuts were deeper this time, even though you didn't mean for them to be. Tears welled up as his fingers ghosted over the angry crimson lines you inflicted on yourself.

"(Y/n)..."

You shook your head. "I lied. I'm really not okay."

That was all Renjun needed to hear before he took you into his arms. He understood how hard it was for you to admit that. He held you closer as you sobbed into his shoulder.

Renjun always gave the best hugs. Even though it hurt to let out all the emotions you've been bottling up, the feeling of his arms wrapped securely around you felt good. A part of you longed to stay in his embrace forever.

Once you cried it all out, Renjun would search for your first-aid kit to tend to your cuts. As he did, you'd finally speak about all of your pent-up stress.

"I didn't say anything because I didn't want to burden you with my problems." You whispered at the end.

He didn't let this slide for a second. "You can never be a burden to me. All I want is for you to be happy and healthy, (Y/n)."

You watched as he finished with the last bandage and closed the red and grey pouch. Then he raised your hand to press his lips to yours in a tender kiss that melted your heart.

"I'm here now, and we're going to get through this together," Renjun said affirmatively.

Never again. Never again would he let your dark thoughts capture you again, Renjun told himself. He knew better than anyone how detrimental having poor mental health could be. You might not be okay right now. But with him by your side, you knew you were going to be.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ