Find someone else to take you home

Christmas Fucking Eve.

He was rough looking, rougher then I'd ever seen him he honestly looked like hammered shit. It scared me to see him so bad, but at the same time it felt kind of good knowing he had fallen apart without me. We stood there staring at each other for what felt like a lifetime before he took a step towards me, without realizing it my body shifted backwards. I used to crave his arms, his body but now?

Now it was even harder to be near him, and not in a good way. I didn't recognize the person standing in front of me.

"Hey" he said, his voice rough, sounded different then before.

"Hey" I whispered back giving him a slight smile, hoping that would break the tension but nothing helped, this was awkward all around.

"H-how have you been?" he struggled to get the words out, looking at his eyes they went soft, almost red.

"I've been okay, how have you been?" I crossed my arms.

"I've been better honestly." he shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans his eyes drifted from mine, beginning to look at the ground.

"Billy, why are you here? We barley talk anymore" I knew I needed to leave, but seeing him like this I could tell something was going on, something he was trying to get me to talk about but he didn't want to say it himself.

"I...I know and that's my fault. I'm so sorry Dani"

"Sorry for what? I told you before actions spoke louder than words Billy, you showed me everything I needed to know."

"I was trying to give you space, I didn't want to bug you. What I did was shitty, and I can't move past it. Everywhere I go I see you, everything I do, I can't eat or sleep without you."

"Billy are you drunk right now?" the more he talked the smell started to fill the air, the smell of whiskey.

He didn't answer, his eyes continued to look down at the cold ground.

"Billy" I took a step towards him reaching out for his cheek without realizing what I was doing.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his arms, it was automatic my hands slipped into his jacket around his waist, the smell of cigarettes and whiskey filled my nostrils. "I'm so sorry" he whispered over and over as he held me.

It was hard to admit after everything we had been through, but holding him again just felt...right.

"I love you Dani, I've been in love with you for years, I want to fix us please let me prove it to you."

I didn't know if it was the whiskey talking or what, but why now? I was moving on, I was over him..right? I looked up at him, what was a normal shaved chin was now covered in stubble, patchy stubble. His eyes still had that hazy look to them, but they were also glossy I couldn't tell if he was about to cry or just that fucked up.

"Billy I-" I wanted to tell him about Steve, I wanted to tell him that I was moving on after what he had done to me. I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn't find the words.

He dropped his arms from around my waist and took a step back looking into my eyes again "Dani, I know you haven't been staying here since the nigh we broke up...I know where you've been. I know you've been at his house, but I don't care, I don't care if you've hooked up with him either. I want you back, I need you back I know how badly I fucked up but I know you don't belong with him. You're too good for him, you're mine you always have been." He placed his hand on my chin softly guiding my chin up until we inches from each other "and I don't like to share."

I had to snap out of this, I told Steve 10 minutes he could come looking for me but why was Billy doing this now? Why now? I moved my face away from his my eyes shifting to the ground but he stopped me, grabbing my neck and pulling me into him again "you're mine Dani, I'll break him if I see him try to make a move on you. No one else in this world can have you, but me."

I pulled his hand from my neck "you decided to leave me, you decided to not trust me. This is all because of you Billy. You have no one else to blame but yourself and honestly it's not any of your business who I do or do not date, after all you're the one who showed me how easily it is to move on since it only took you what? A couple hours max before you were on another date?" I laughed "not in the mood for your tough guy antics, I really thought something was going on but it turns out you're just drunk and lonely. Billy I was in love with you for so long, and I was happy but you hurt me and instead of trying to fix things you go MIA then show up on Christmas Eve drunk as fuck expecting me to just drop my life and everything I've accomplished to get back with you? That's not how this is going to work."

"But-"

"But nothing. You haven't tried, and the texts you send don't really count. It's the same shit everyday, it's exhausting being in this back and forth limbo with you. I will always love you but I don't think this is going to work out, you aren't willing to change and I don't want to spend my life waiting for something that's never going to happen. I'm so sorry but I have to go now, Merry Christmas Billy."

I turned away, not heading inside but walking towards Steve's house, if he knew I had been there it didn't matter anymore I had nothing to hide. I hated every single word of what I had said to Billy, I knew I needed to say it to move on but I didn't want to, I wanted him to get his head out of his ass and prove to me that he was serious about fixing things but instead he showed up drunk and tried to play this macho man person that was more annoying than attractive. Seeing him like this only made my mood worse, I didn't want to go see Steve's family, I didn't want to see my brother either I just wanted to sleep, sleep until I can't feel a thing anymore.

"I will get you back Dani! HARRINGTON DON'T FUCKING TOUCH MY GIRL OR I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS!" he yelled from behind me, but I didn't turn around I just ignored him continuing to walk in the direction of his backyard.

I sighed and walked into the garage where Steve was loading up the luggage, he turned around dropping the bag he had when he saw me.

"That was quick, what the hell was he yelling out there? I had no idea what he was trying to say, it sounded like really loud mumbling." he gave me a smile, waiting for my reply to see what kind of mood I was in.

"Yeah, nothing left to say. And don't worry about it, wasn't that important. " I was quiet and shutting down I could feel it. He gave me a look, starting to walk in my direction I knew he could see right through my reply.

"Dani? Are you okay?"

"I will be, I just realized a lot this was more of a slap in the face than a talk. He was drunk, and wasn't making much sense. But one thing he did say, he knows I've been here since him and I broke up, I don't know how he knows but he does, and he threatened to beat your ass if you touch me."

He smiled, walking closer to me before pulling me in for a hug "looks like I'll be getting my ass beat." He gave me a good, tight squeeze before letting me go again returning to the car, and putting the last few things in the trunk.

"Let's hit the road Munson"

I climbed in the passenger side as he held open the door, grabbing the blanket he had placed on the dash for me. Every time we went out I was always cold, he remembered. He came around the other side a few seconds later turning over the key the car started right up music began playing. He looked over at me and smiled before shifting into reverse, backing out of the garage and down the driveway. I glanced over at my house, Billy's car was still in the driveway but he was no where to be found a part of me was worried but it wasn't my problem anymore I needed to start living for me.

As he shifted into drive I moved my hand from under the blanket, grabbing his and continuing to look forward not saying a word. I could see from the corner of my eye the big ass smile he had on his face, he used his other hand to tap along on the steering wheel to the song on the radio. I readjusted myself, making sure the blanket was all the way up to my lips before sighing and closing my eyes.