Find someone else to take you home

break.

I suck at making choices, I always have it was another thing my parents hated about me. Unfortunately I had a decision to make, and either way I was going to in some way, loose.

I loved Billy, but he hurt me honestly I don't know if we could come back from that, if we would ever come back from it. If I could trust him, if he could trust me.

The more time has gone on I've fallen for Steve too, it wasn't instantly it was more like a walk through your favorite park, admiring the scenery before realizing everything was made just for you. Steve was a good guy, he was there for me no matter what even if I didn't need him to be, he would always just show up.

But with Steve I had to be something I wasn't, I didn't come from the life he did. Sure we were all friends growing up but I wasn't blind or deaf to the whispers his parents friends made about our clothes, and my knotty dirty hair. Those cut deep. Steve came from money, it was obvious by his clothes, house and car, which I came from the opposite.

The longer I sat there comparing the two I started to get a feeling in the pit of my stomach, I was uncomfortable.

"Dani, what are you thinking about..talk to me no matter what it is, talk to me." Billy reached for my cheek which snapped me back into the car, and out of those memories.

"Sorry, just thinking about something, something I don't want to talk about."

"Dani, how are we going to fix anything if you won't open up? I can handle it I swear."

"You can't." I grabbed onto the handle of the door, pulling it open slipping out the door and back into the cold night air. As I did I could see Steve walking up to us.

Billy jumped out, running over to my side trying to ignore Steve watching us. "Try me"

I could feel the anger bubbling up inside me, before I realized what I had said I just blurted it out.

"I LOVE YOU BOTH!"

I covered my mouth, Steve and Billy stood there looking at me. Fuck.

"Are you happy now? I love you both. God fucking damnit Billy I love you and I love him, I can't choose because you two are completely different and I don't know who I want to be with. There's your truth Billy. Happy now?"

Billy ignored Steve and took a step towards me "how long have you been in love with him?"

"If you're asking if I was in love with him the day you saw him and I, you're wrong. My feelings didn't start until after you left me." I looked over at Steve "my feelings didn't start until you fixed my heart, the one you didn't break." I glanced over at Billy before looking back at Steve "You showed me what it was like to have a healthy relationship, what it was like to love someone without worrying what they would do behind your back...But you come from the opposite of what I am, I don't have money, I don't have a good family...you have all of that. It's hard to be around someone who has it all together, because I feel like I have to pretend to be someone I'm not when I see your family or friends."

I looked back into Billy's eyes "Billy, I loved you since the first night you snuck into my window, from that day I knew I wanted to be yours. But you also come with a lot of issues, and I always worried about someone else or not being enough for you... I always felt like there was going to be someone else in our relationship..and you proved me right. Having a date the same night we got into a fight proved to me that you never stopped talking to other people. And you said you couldn't trust me when in reality it was you, how are we ever going to come back from that? Because god damnit Billy I really thought it was going to be you and I against the world."

They stood there not knowing what to say back, Eddie came up behind them staring at them before looking over at me "everything okay?"

I wiped a silent tear that had slipped out of the corner of my eye "Everything's fine, you just walked into something no one wants to deal with. What's up Eddie?" I didn't look at either man, I kept my eyes on my brother.

"Can I talk to you?" He pointed over his shoulder gesturing to the bus. I nodded and shifted past both guys without saying a word.

We headed to the bus climbing inside locking the door behind me. "Dani what the hell is going on with you, I've never seen you like this."

"Yeah you have, remember when mom and dad would ask what I wanted for dinner and I would have a complete meltdown because I couldn't choose between the options they had laid out for me?"

"yeah...?" he looked at me confused, and slightly irratated.

"Old habits never die. You walked up right as I told them both that I was in love with him but they both turned me into something I didn't like."

"You need a break Dani, come stay with Chrissy and I, clear your head."

It sounded good, but I knew it wouldn't be the best idea. I loved my brother, I really did miss him every single day, but he was also drinking and partying every single night. That was something I didn't want to be around or be involved in, I was fine with Steve's parties because they weren't as hard as the ones Eddie went to, his involved drugs and not just the weed, I mean the hard drugs.

"No thanks Eddie, I appreciate it but I don't think it'll be a good idea. Besides I have to clean the house up from all the decorations."

"You mean clean the house up from when you destoryed it..Steve's got a big mouth."

Fuckin' Harrington.

I turned my face away from him, I wasn't in the mood to hear his speech, as he took a breath almost to start it I cut him off.

"Eddie, I love you. You're my twin brother, and I wouldn't have made it growing up without you, you were and are my best friend in the whole wide world. You're my hero, and someone I don't ever want to lose. I know whatever you're about to say is going to upset me in some way, so don't say it. Nothing more you can say is going to help my situation, I'm stuck between 2 guys and I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm in love with them both and I don't want to hurt either one. You have your life together more than I do right now, and that's okay...I thought I wanted to be like you, do the band thing, find my person who took care of me like Chrissy does for you, but I'm my own person and it's time I step out of your shadows. I need to figure out who I am."

"Does this mean you aren't joining us?"

"I'm sorry Eddie, I wanted to tell you before you went on stage tonight."

He walked over embracing me in his arms "I'm so proud of you Dani, I can't wait to see who you become. I'll be there for you anytime you need me. I love you little sister, keep in touch I'll miss you."

I hugged him back, the tears filled my eyes, this is what I had wanted to do for so long, what I had wanted to hear. I didn't know what I was going to do tomorrow, but I knew I was ready.

"I love you big brother. I'm so proud of you too, and I'll miss you more."

"I guess you need to find someone else to take you home huh?" he dropped his arms from around me as we looked out the van window to Steve and Billy who were both on their phones, glancing up at the van but not saying a word to one another.

I sighed "I guess so."