Find someone else to take you home

Last night.

The chaos that we had walked into, in a way it was more comforting than being home. Chrissy had been decorating, cooking and cleaning all at the same time. The boys had some how beaten us here and were already being bossed around by Chrissy and Eddie on what goes where. Billy still hadn't shown back up, and there wasn't any messages on my phone from him. As we took our shoes off I could hear Chrissy screaming my name, luckily I looked up before she bull rushed into me hugging me tightly.

"Dani!" She repeated again, squeezing her arms around my shoulders. She smelled like cinnamon, and whiskey I was so happy to see her.

"I missed you!" I squeezed her back tightly not wanting to let her go, she was the most normal thing in my life besides my brother, and I missed her these days even more than I missed Eddie.

But I'd never tell him that.

There was a loud crash before we finally let go, I could hear Eddie yelling at Andrew, at the same time Steve disappeared from my side. She dropped her hands from around me and looked me up and down "you doing okay? I heard about everything, he called me on the way home."

Of course he did..ugh.

"I'm okay, just really not looking forward to breaking someone's heart. I don't know what to do-"

She sighed "That doesn't sound like doing okay Dani, that sounds like you're loosing your mind."

"You're right, but I don't know what else to do, how to change it bedsides making a choice. Chrissy, I love them both...how do you choose between them?"

She pulled me into their spare room and closed the door "you don't."

"Eddie said you were going to be more help...how is that helpful" I stared at her which made her laugh.

"What I mean is, you don't...at least not right now. See how Christmas goes, holidays bring out the weird in everyone, think about how Thanksgiving was. Watch how they are with us, with your brother and around other guys that could date you if you wanted to. I'm not saying don't ever make a choice, I'm just saying wait a little longer yeah they both know what to do and what too say when you're alone, but being around Eddie in his element is different. Eddie won't hold back and neither will I, we will help you make the choice if you want."

"But Eddie told me to choose Steve."

"Eddie is an idiot, he just wants someone who will take care of you...which yes Steve will do that, but I don't think that means you should choose him just because of that. At the end of the day it's your choice but you also need to live with that choice."

In a way she was right, I made a lot of my choices because of Eddie's opinion and feelings on things, not my own. I always thought he knew better than I did, clearly I wasn't always right and neither was he. He did make some good points that I hadn't thought about, but my mind always kept coming back to Billy. Before I could say anything back there was a knock on the door.

"Chrissy, Dani?" it was Eddie, we were always interrupted by him "Billy and his sister are here, he's looking for Dani."

I looked up at the door then back at Chrissy. "I can tell him you're asleep if you don't want to talk"

"No, I'm okay besides he never fully yelled at me for hot wiring and stealing his car..."

"You did what!?" she started laughing and the knocking resumed "Chill out Eddie we're coming!" She looked back at me, "find me when you're done with Billy I need to hear that story." She squeezed my shoulder as she got up and headed to the door, opening it to an irritated Eddie he looked past her and then at me acting like he was our dad looking for a way to protect me. Without Chrissy directly saying it I knew she was on Billy's side, otherwise there would be no wait and see.

She slipped out of the room, Billy stood in the doorway staring at me. Neither of us broke the silence first we just continued to stare, I missed looking into his eyes. I patted the spot next to me on the bed he was silent but came and sat down next to me.

"I heard you were looking for me?" I couldn't take the quietness anymore, I kept hearing everyone else in the living room talking and carrying on, if this was going to go anywhere I was clearly going to be the one to start this talk.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you, but now that I'm here I don't know what to say."

"Then let your heart talk for you...I know you still have to yell at me about the whole stealing your car thing so I'm ready whenever you are."

"I don't think I could yell at you about that, if anything it kinda made me happy. Even In your moment of panic your mind still chose my car, in a way you chose me without realizing it."

I hadn't thought of it like that but.. he was right. I hadn't even given it a second thought, I knew in my heart which car I wanted, it was telling me what I didn't want to admit.

"Dani, do you ever think I could win you back? I know what's going on with you and Steve, I know you have feelings for him, and I know he's an...easier choice than I am. But Dani, please don't count me out yet, don't go off that fact alone. I know I made a really bad mistake, and I know I wasn't the greatest man for you but please don't choose Steve or if you do don't do it yet. Give me at least a month, to try to show you that I'm serious about fixing our relationship..if you are willing to do that and I'm still not what you want you'll never hear from me again..but please I know I don't even deserve that but if you're willing to I swear it'll be better."

I laid my head on his shoulder, I wish things between us hadn't gotten to this point. He shouldn't have to ask for this, I shouldn't have gone through what I did with him. None of this should be what it is right now, and yet it was. The smell of his cologne wafted into my nostrils, it was intoxicating I missed being this close to him, his curly hair rested against mine, his arm wrapped around my waist. I wanted to cry, I wanted to feel like I wasn't going to hurt someone with the choices I had to make.

But I knew in my heart who I was going to choose, I just had to muster up the courage to make it.

I closed my eyes as we continued to sit like that, Billy kissed the top of my head placing his head on mine. My body relaxed, and so did my mind.

"Dani, you okay?"

"yeah, I'm okay"

"I missed you.."

"I missed you too. I hate this whole thing...I hate that you were at that hotel with some other chick, I hate that things ended like this. I don't want to hate you anymore.. I don't want to do any of this anymore. I miss how things used to be."

"You knew I was at a hotel?"

"Yeah Billy, I looked all over town for you that night to work things out. I saw your car in the parking lot.."

"I know you won't believe me, but nothing happened. No kissing, nothing. I swear on everything, I didn't let it get that far before I realized how wrong it was that I had done that. I didn't want to go back to my old ways, I didn't know how to work through our issues so I did the only thing I knew how to do, and you know what that is. But I don't want to do that anymore, I don't want to be that guy..I want to be the one you love again, I want to be the one you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with."

I sighed, I just wanted everything to stop. Billy was saying everything I needed to hear, and yet most of it was sounding almost flat now, when he used to say these sweet things to me my heart would skip a beat...but now? Now it almost seemed...dull.