JUMP STREET'S JUNE BRIDE???

CHAPTER 32: DIAMONDS AND DREAMS

A couple of months have passed since we have been "engaged."  It's getting harder to not let my love for Tom show. Judy is the only one who knows that I'm really in love with Tom and not just faking.

Tom has not brought up getting me a ring.  In fact, he doesn't mention us being engaged at all.

Tom stays at my house in the spare bedroom.  It's been wonderful to have him living with me.  But it's hard to not stare at him, when we are eating, or in the living room.  He is so hot, and his body is so hot. I find it hard to look away from him, especially first thing in the morning, or when he is lying on the floor, doing sit ups and pushups, with no shirt on.  I mentally curse at myself to look away, and not stare, hoping that he doesn't notice.  If he does notice, he doesn't let on.

I have been having so many dreams of him, and they are so good, romantic, and sexual as well. But leaves me a little sad when I wake up, and realize it was just a dream. Tom is not my man, nor will he ever be.

I also have nightmares.  Tom and I pretending, and then my ex-friends and Kris all find out that we are faking the engagement, and then they all mock me and make fun of me.  I wake up in cold sweat.

When I was little, I used to dream about being a bride just like my mom.  I used to love to hear about her wedding to my daddy, and she would show me the pictures, and videos.  She was so beautiful in her wedding dress, and looked like a princess to me, and my daddy so handsome in his tux.

Kris and I used to watch their wedding video and pictures, and then pretend we were getting married, and we would wear our fanciest dresses and pretend like we were having a double wedding and then a big party.  We were just little girls, so we would talk my dad into letting us get cakes and cookies and have a party in the backyard, and we would eat that and ice cream and pretend it was our wedding parties.

I had forgot all about that, until my aunt reminded me of it.

My aunt has been so excited since Tom announced we were engaged. It makes me feel sad that I'm lying to her, so I have tried to be so busy that I don't have time to go visit her. Which then I feel guilty, as I don't want to make her think I'm avoiding her.

On Saturday, Tom and I were going over to my dad's.  I didn't know it, but my aunt had lunch with my dad, and was asking him how I was, and that she is so sorry if she and Kris offended me by asking him to walk Kris down the aisle.  He told her it was ok, I wasn't offended. He left out that I was hurt by it.  Really hurt.  She told him that she thought maybe I was a little mad, since she hasn't seen me since the wedding, that every time she calls and asks me to come over or go to lunch, I say I'm too busy.  My dad told her that my cases keep me very busy, but he knew I wasn't upset with her.  She was a little hurt when she found out that my dad sees me and Tom every weekend.  When my dad saw she was hurt, he felt bad, and so he told her that he would set up a girls day for us, that when they come over on Saturday, he will pay for us ladies to go have lunch.

I had talked to my dad on Friday, and he was checking to make sure we were still coming over on Saturday. But he just seemed kind of weird. Like I got the sense he was wanting to tell me something, but not saying anything.

Tom had been working out and came into the kitchen.  I was sitting at the table.  Tom opened up the fridge and got him a water bottle.

Tom said, "hey Syd you want one?"  I didn't hear him.  He said, "Sydney" I said, 'hey Hanson."  He said, "Did you want a water?"  I said, "Sure thanks."  He handed one to me.  He said, "you ok?"  I said, "yeah I'm just really tired. I haven't slept that good lately" Tom said, "is there something bothering you."  I said, "no, it's just I had a weird vibe from talking to my dad." I mean that is not what has been bothering me, but I can't tell Tom I'm tormented by the fact he will never be mine.