But you were mine first

Chapter 19

*A few days later*
Kota Ibushi also made it to the finals so it's him and I tonight.

But right now I'm laying in my bed thinking of Jay. Him and I had a killer match the other day, but I can't help but think of what he said "Thank you, and I love you." Those words replayed in my head over and over again.

After Jay and I broke up he started dating someone new, but that didn't last long, she got jealous cause I guess Jay would only talk about me, so she left him. Which I can see why, if Kyle was constantly talking about an ex, I would break up with him too.

But those weren't the only words that were replaying in my head, the constant reminder from Will and Okada, and everyone else about the spark that Jay and I had, Will tells me everyday "Look Fletcher is an amazing guy, he truly loves you, and he's a great friend, but you guys just don't have the same spark that you and Jay had."

I have been laying in my bed these past few days thinking of what I was to do. Jay was my everything, I told him everything, he really made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. When I caught him cheating on me on January 4th, it killed me. I have never hurt more.

Tana really helped me during that time, he would stay up all night with me and would always be there for me when I just needed someone to talk to and hug. When I went to England and saw Kyle again the hole in my heart was filled again. He made me feel so much better, I was happy again, I was smiling again. But then I had to come back to Japan and be reminded everyday that Jay cheated on me.

Kyle is still in England and I don't see him much anymore because we're both so busy, but we do talk on the phone whenever we can.

I took a deep breath as I decided that it was time to get up, I had to get to the building in like an hour and 30 minutes.

*later on that night*

Since I was done doing the face paints I just did a basic look, and I curled my hair.

I got my gear on and then went to the entrance, I made my entrance first and when the crowd saw that I didn't have any face paint on they went insane, it's crazy how little things like that make them react so much. I love it, it's why I'm in this business.

Wrestling is not just for anyone, only the strongest of strong survive. And not everyone likes it, but to the ones who do, I love them, I love each and everyone of them, even if they don't like me. They really are the reason why I do this, they support me so much, so this is everything to me. And to make it to the finals of a G1 tournament is a huge achievement.

Kota soon made his entrance and then the match started. Kota is an amazing wrestler and athlete. I don't know what happened out there. I preformed great, but I still lost. Kota is too good. After the match I just laid there. I laid there in shock. I was so ashamed of myself. Finally I got up and shook Kotas hand and then walked to the back.

When doing my press conference I sat down and said "I gave my all, and it still wasn't enough, I was this close. But not close enough. I let my mind slip, I got too cocky, I thought I was the best but I'm not, I just wanted this one thing. I guess I should go back to my old habits from 2018." I got up and walked away.

I took a shower and then went straight home. I needed sleep, and then tomorrow I need to do some long thinking.

*The next day*
"Hey Harley, you okay?" I heard Will ask from outside of my room. "No." I shouted back. "Can I come in?" Will asked. "Yeah." I said and he opened the door and walked in.

"What's wrong? Is this about you losing to Kota Ibushi?" He asked. "No it's not about that, I just can't seem to focus anymore, I keep thinking about what Jay said the other day and how I can never really see Kyle anymore because he's out in England." I said. "Ok well let's talk then." He jumped on my bed and laid next to me.

"What did Jay tell you the other day?" He asked. "He told me that he loves me, and I still love him, but I also love Kyle." I said.
"Oh so you can't focus because then?" He said and I nodded. "What did Okada and your trainer tell you?" He asked. "To not let relationships get me distracted, that what I have going for me is good." I turned towards him.

"Ok then so with that information what do you think is best for you?" He asked. "I need a break from relationships, let me call Fletcher." I said, he nodded and left my room.

I called Fletcher and he answered instantly "Hey babe what's up?" "Kyle we need to talk, we just need to take a break from this relationship, long distance is hard for me, and I'm getting distracted from my career. I still have every feeling for you but I just need to get back to my normal routine for my career." I said, there was a long pause before he said "I completely understand, you are still very young in your career, just know that I will still be here for you, and when you're ready to start dating again." I took a deep breath and said "I love you Fletcher." "I love you too." He hung up.

And I'm back in this loophole of trying to figure out who I am.