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Achilles&Briseis: a novel [Dee]

Book: Achilles&Briseis: a novel
Author: AvatarAshdel
Reviewer: DHBurnside
Chapters reviewed: 1-5

Ideas: 2 [The idea/writing is difficult to identify]
Details & Content: 3 [Some details provided]
Organisation/Structure: 4 [Sentences and paragraphs are clear and well structured]
Introduction & Closure: 3 [Introduction/closure is present but lacking structure]
Voice: 2 [Voice lacks awareness of audience]
Word choice: 4 [Accurate, specific, powerful words are used]
Spelling: 2 [There are two to three spelling errors]
Anlaysis: 2 [Shows limited understanding of the writer's POV and no comparative look at other topics]

Overall, it was an enjoyable piece. I loved the princess of the black sun it reminded me of the show Shadow and Bones - I watched it twice. I don't think Lavda is a strong enough character in the early stages. Only for the repeated reference to her being this princess, I don't think I would have cared about her at all until chapter 3. The language changes a lot from chapter one where they are all talking to later chapters. I kind of understood that to mean that the royalty talk amongst themselves in a period-styled language but I just felt that wouldn't make sense. There was also a lot of very heavy description in the first chapter which I think could be cut down to make more room for character development to hook the reader.

The build guild for example went into a lengthy description of the walls, eggs, and chickens in chapter 2 but I just didn't get why this mattered to the overall story. I think it would have benefited more to havethink it would have benefited more to have a mission being talked about for the girl or why she was so important rather than telling the reader she is important.

There is no main character really only a reference to an amazing girl but we haven't seen her in action yet, why should we care about her? In chapter one, she was never named only as princess of the black Sun, and then in chapter 3 she was finally named Lavda which originally I thought was a totally different character until about halfway through.

There is no clear storyline, it's almost like we are just reading a day in their usual life. It's not focusing on any one storyline or overarching mission. There are way too many side stories and we need more action.

This story has huge potential with the right ingredients and a bigger focus in the earlier chapters I think it would be more interesting.

None of the chapters seemed to match when we moved around, where are these chapters going?

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