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The Pentagon Paradox [Alba]

Book: The Pentagon Paradox
Author: chaotic_marss
Reviewer: oraclesighter
Chapters read: 21

The story starts right off with bustling action as we accompany one of our characters, Scarlet, on a mission as an agent. I immediately get the sense that this will be a well-written story, judging from the tone and writing. I am especially fond of the first paragraph where Scarlet is portrayed holding a gun, threatening another character — this is what really reeled me in and sparked curiosity within me. You’ve managed to set a perfect hook in the first chapter and which takes place in just the right scene.

Scarlet gives off the impression that she’ll be one of the driving forces that keep the story moving, an important factor to the storyline. She’s quick-witted, satirical, and skilful. You can tell she knows what she’s doing.

We also get introduced to another character, Matheo, who will later become one of the main characters. And I’m gonna be honest with you, I did NOT see that coming! It was an outstandingly clever twist you managed to pull off. At first, I thought he’d just be one of the many goons that were guarding the area, and then turn out to, well, technically be one of her partners in crime. I loved seeing their relationship blossom throughout the chapters, leading to an enemies to lovers trope. After reading Adeline’s povs with her thinking Scarlet was Greyson’s girlfriend so much, I ended up believing it at one point as well. But alas, was I wrong! (Adaline x Greyson is my favorite ship of all time, but after that comes Scarlet and Matheo, definitely.)

The plot in general is extremely compelling. I genuinely cannot put it into words how GENIUS this storyline is??? I absolutely love that we get to see Adeline try and solve the case of the senator's death, when the readers already know that it was Scarlet — AND THAT SHE’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ADDIE, EVERY DAY IN THE WORKPLACE!!!! I am so curious to find out how she’ll react to this when (and if) she figures out the case. Which I think she will.

It’s such an intriguing concept, I genuinely could not get enough of it. And the characters really add that final touch needed to complete this story — to make it just perfect.

Concerning hooks, each chapter was so immensely compelling to read. There’s always something to stick around for, a reason to keep reading. There’s already so much conflict going on in each scene, as well as the relationships the characters have with each other. I get curious to find out how each conflict resolves, and especially am curious about how this story may end.

Moving on to mechanics, your writing was outstanding. I did not catch a single incorrect use of punctuation or grammar. All your sentences are structured well. You’ve also got very vivid descriptions of how characters look, as well as good descriptions of their surroundings. I especially liked the part where you compared Greyson to an arctic fox, it was a beautiful comparison which really sparked my imagination. I encourage you to use more descriptive language like this, to play around with similes, hyperboles, metaphors, etc. It can really take your writing to a whole-nother level and get the readers more immersed in your storytelling.

There were also lots of lines that made me laugh out loud, whether they were dialogue or inner thoughts a character had. And when it comes to humor in writing, it’s really hard to get me to laugh unless I’ve got a really good book on my hands.

One thing I did find a bit disorienting though was telling who’s dialogue belonged to who. There are many moments where two characters may be interacting with each other, but you don’t separate each of the characters’ dialogue tags. As in create a space each time a new character speaks.

You can get away with this if you indicate the names of whoever is talking before or after the dialogue. However, that wasn’t the case here.

I did see you incorporate action beats in between dialogues of two characters interacting, but I think that made it even more confusing since I couldn’t tell whether it was the person who did the action who just spoke, or whether it was the other character who didn’t do the action. It gets tricky.

There’s also a scene toward the ending where Scarlet successfully gets into the Russians’ premises and wakes up around two maids who tell her she’s been kidnapped.

I found it to be too blunt of them. I don’t know how to put it into words, really. But there’s just something that makes me sense that the way they tell her she’s straight up been kidnapped — it just sounds a bit forced? I think it would have been more intriguing to have Scarlet find out by herself that she’d successfully been kidnapped. Sure, the maids would still be around, but shouldn’t they be at least a bit frightened of the consequences that come with revealing that information to her? What if the Russians hear them? Wouldn’t they face any repercussions from it? I wish I could have seen more submission from them, a hint of fear, hesitation to give out too much information to her. I think it’d make for a more intriguing scene, as well as show us how truly dangerous these guys are to the point where the victims can’t even talk anymore.

I also want to shine light on the title, cover, and blurb for a second here.

Concerning the title, I love the specific words used in this. ARGH, I JUST ADORE BIG WORDS! It sounds so much more compelling and intriguing to read, instead of something simple like “The Pentagon Mystery” or something. By no means do I mean to shame authors who prefer simpler and shorter titles, but I want to give you praise for creating a strong and effective title to suit your story.

As well as the cover, wow. It is certainly attention-grabbing, and I do see that it was made by the grand Deelsdead! They really pulled it off with creating a suitable and attractive cover for your story. I can assure you that it gave me such a good first impression when I was just starting to check out your book.

The blurb is overall well written. We’ve got a clear introduction to the story’s premise, a clear conflict, and a good ending hook to it. It’s intriguing and straightforward, an excellent example of how a blurb is supposed to look.

Overall, I haven’t gotten any constructive criticism to really give other than the dialogue and maid part. Everything in this story is incredibly well planned and so well written. I’m so curious as to where this story will go in the future. It has endless potential, and especially you as the author. You’ve got an immense skill for writing and storytelling, keep doing what you’re doing.

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