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Slate Gray [Nika]

Book: Slate Gray
Author: alpaljames
Reviewer: Nikachu22
Chapters read: 10
Main focus: Characters. Do they seem real? Do their choices make sense? Do we like them and/or like to hate them? Do we care about them?

Do they seem real?
If you're inquiring whether they resemble real-life individuals, then I'd argue they almost mirror teenagers, particularly in their interactions with each other. Two sister battling it out and Perrin always seemingly enjoying herself. However, when subjected to psychologically challenging situations, this realism diminishes as Perrin continues to hold this nonchalant attitude. At times, their reactions remind me of actors in psychological, crime, or horror films involving children.

Occasionally, it's Perrin who exaggerates the acting. Ace appears more composed and mature, while Perrin is notably more vocal.

Both characters share a common trait: an absence of flaws. They are so engrossed in their self-expression that it's hard to discern any character flaws that would render them relatable. This absence seems to be a crucial missing element in their overall characterization.

What flaws in their personalities could I or others identify with? What of Perrin's personality could get her trouble?
Where are their typical human reactions, even if they are desensitized due to the job?

How is this flaw manifested, and how can it influence their reactions and growth as the story goes on?

What about character development?
What is the goal of each character that they are working towards emotionally and mentally? Their breakdown.

They are as polished as actors, yet real humans are not that flawless. We possess numerous character flaws. Effective character development avoids writing characters as if they are omniscient. Rather than having the characters explicitly tell us, it should be shown through their actions.

For instance, when Ace discovers her father and sister's deceit in chapter 2, she merely accuses them of lying.

Perhaps, instead of outright confrontation, her reaction could be subtler. Maybe she's unaware of their deceit due to her trusting nature, which is a flaw, yet she feels excluded and thus, appears disappointed.

You've noted that Ace detects Perrin's sudden cues of lying. Build on that. She notices Perrin's cue and looks away, pondering why Perrin appears so. Without acknowledging her awareness of the lies, convey it through Ace's reactions. When her father also lies, she could glance down, feeling disappointed and excluded. As her sister reaches out, Ace abruptly pulls away, leading her father to mildly reprimand her. Illustrate more of the characters' emotions, particularly in scenes where negative reactions are likely. Character flaws often stem from our perceptions. Whether we make assumptions or not, being overly perfect and omniscient is detrimental, unless your intent is to emotionally shatter that character early on.

Remeber one thing I always seem to tell everyone. Remember to show it, not tell it. By showing you what you do is the characters themselves reacts and it's told with depth instead of saying someone is lying or someone is confused. You show a characters reaction to the confusion or the lie.

Lets say that Perrin sees Ace eating an apple, she munching away at it and she's happy.

Exmaple below:
Rather than simply stating that Perrin watches Ace eat an apple with joy, it's better to depict the scene.

Ace gently bites into the crisp red apple, her lips forming a soft smile as the refreshing juice enlivens her taste buds. A hum, reminiscent of their father's lullabies, slips from her lips. She closes her eyes, letting the sweet apple juice run down her chin, too pleasant to care about the mess. Perrin observes with amusement, finding joy in Ace's contentment. Feeling her sister's eyes on her, Ace looks up, her smile fading as she pauses mid-chew.

Perrin, smirking lightly, drops her backpack beside the bed and takes a deep breath.

"I don't appreciate being watched while eating..." Ace mutters, swallowing her mouthful with effort as a few pieces almost slipped from an attempt to fight breath and tongue. She holds the apple firmer, her annoyance evident in her furrowed brow. Her pointer finger's nail starts to carve into the apple's skin, mirroring her irritation.

"Less talking... Please." Perrin's voice carries a playful tone, finding humor in Ace's discomfort—a touch of normalcy in their otherwise turbulent lives. Ace is oblivious to the haunting memories of the past, the kind that could evoke tears at their mere mention. Perrin feels a wave of nausea and swallows hard, trying to maintain her composure once the memories began to trickle within her unguarded mind. Why linger on such painful thoughts? She wipes her mouth reflexively, and Ace, misinterpreting the action, does the same.

Perrin chuckles at Ace's scowl and averted gaze. Yes, truly adorable.

Do their choices resonate?
Their choices align with their current personalities and portrayals. However, their responses to certain situations can be puzzling. They seem too composed and flawless, recovering too swiftly under duress, or not reacting significantly, as if they're aware of events as they unfold. They should be living the story, not narrating it with foreknowledge.

Perrin, compelled to interact with a box, is acutely conscious of acting out of character, typically indifferent. Her fearlessness, while consistent with her profession, endows her with a 'main character' shield. Flawless, omniscient, she responds to everything with detachment and continues her day.

Even when her father had grabbed the knob. She just pulled him away, he rolls over and that's just it. It would have been nice to see a solid sense of worry or panic. A natural thing that could be expressed with her freezing up/falling a part a little, or an uptick in her beating heart. Something that throws us off that she fears losing her father maybe?

Consider fine-tuning your writing to better reflect the characters' immersion in the moment, basing decisions on their identities. If actions deviate from character, reveal this through their behavior by introducing inconsistencies or conflicts. This approach will add depth, facilitating character development.

Do we empathize with them, or love to despise them?
Do I hate or like them?
I hold a neutral stance towards Perrin and Ace; they neither irk me nor capture my affection. The father's portrayal resonates with me; his absence of glaring faults is somewhat expected given his role. In this context, his character is more forgivable. His paternal instincts lead to the most logical reactions, as is typical for father figures in narratives. It's crucial that he demonstrates resilience for his children's welfare and the family's steadiness, especially since they are involved in the conflict with him. His composure and dedication to his daughters' protection are key in preserving the family's solidarity.

Do we care about them?
My primary desire as a reader is to see them prosper in the narrative. Ace, in particular, captures my support; her youth and apparent unique qualities make her stand out. As the youngest, the events she encounters will undoubtedly mold her character. I hold the conviction that the struggles characters endure are crucial, for without them, opportunities for development are scarce.

A character flaw refers to traits in a personality that act as obstacles, thereby creating a compelling plot. Some characters might be excessively aloof, stubborn, cold, distant, or distrustful. Others could be overly trusting or naive. There are those who are extremely selfish or narrow-minded. Such imperfections propel the narrative and can precipitate their downfall. As humans, we possess inherent imperfections, often oblivious to our own flaws, yet they constitute our identity.

Thank you for the opportunity to review your book! You've crafted a compelling narrative with beautiful descriptions. The chapters are lengthy, rich with information, and the plot progresses smoothly. I appreciate all these aspects. I believe with some minor adjustments in your writing style and the addition of character flaws, I would feel a deeper connection to them.

Continue writing, James! My intention is not to dissuade you from your artistic creation. I trust my feedback will be received as constructive criticism rather than an attempt to undermine your writing abilities. You possess remarkable talent and I can't say enough how well you write description. I think you do it so well that you could get carried away.

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