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The Mechanical Muse [Danielle]

Book: The Mechanical Muse by FranklinBarnes
[Part 1: chapters 1-10, Part 2: chapters 1-10]
Reviewer: Dark_Ghostie

Look out for:
• character development
• symbolism - the use of symbols to represent ideas or qualities
• allegory - a story, poem, or picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one
• narrative structure

Cover: 4/5
The cover is interesting, but not intriguing. It shows a guy on his laptop with a green demon-like person standing next to him. It hides deep meanings that only can only understand once the story has been read. The font is also clear and can be easily read.

I feel like the cover can definitely be improved on to attract more readers as most actually do judge a book by its cover, myself included. But if you like it, then keep it. This is only my
opinion.

Title: 5/5
The title is intriguing and is not something I thought I would ever hear or read about. Most muses are real people, but a mechanical one? That isn’t something many have heard of and would definitely attract readers to click into your story.

Blurb: 5/5
The blurb is short and sweet, giving a brief summary of the story, yet maintaining a sense of mystery to keep readers hooked. I also like the quotes you included at the bottom. It made me laugh and intrigued me to read on.

I just have one problem though. The blurb mentions that he has a girlfriend, but in the story, he has multiple. Or did I get it wrong?

Mechanics: 18/20
You’ve got a good grasp of vocabulary and grammar. There were little to no mistakes that I could find. Good job!

However, I noticed that you like to use colons even though they were not needed. Colons are typically used to introduce a list at the end of a sentence and not to punctuate the
sentence or to be used as a connector. Instead, the colons used in your context can be replaced with a question mark, full stop, comma or another connector.

For example, in Chapter 2 (Part 1), the colon in ‘After a few minutes I gave up and asked one for help:’ can be removed and replaced with a full stop. There should also be a comma
after ‘After a few minutes’.

You can also consider breaking up some of the longer paragraphs and sentences to make it easier to read.

Plot: 18/20
The theme is clearly displayed and cleverly woven into the plot. Hidden under those typed words are layers upon layers of truth and meaning waiting to be unveiled. Your story tells us
about the hidden devils living amongst us, revealing the truth about our dark world and warning us of what the future could bring about.

You’ve got a good narrative structure and good use of literary devices like symbolism and  allegory. Everything was concisely and beautifully written. It had a slightly grave tone that kept me on the edge and thirsting for more. There were many twists and turns such as when Professor Pineda turned out to be a devil in disguise and forced Chris to sign on to Project
Narcissus. Another one would be Cassandra turning against Chris. I was really hoping that things between them would work out in the end.

Despite this, I feel like Chris’ thoughts about the different girls, how he views Project Narcissus, his internal struggle etc could all have been elaborated on. This would’ve made the danger factor mentioned in the blurb more pronounced.

Another thing that doesn’t really match up with the blurb is how his unconditional access to Project Narcissus would expire and how he had to choose between the temptations od his unfettered creativity and preserving his authentic self.

Furthermore, I also don’t really get how the story relates to the title. Is Project Narcissus Chris’ muse?

Flow: 8/10
Your story flows nicely with little to no plot holes and the writing is also quite consistent. The pacing feels a little rushed at some points in the story. Other than that, everything’s good.

Hook: 10/10
You’ve got a good hook that kept me yearning for more. The story was so addicting, I finished the entire thing in one seating. Good job!

Character development: 17/20
Most of the characters are multi-dimensional and relatable. Their struggles and feelings feel very real and relatable.

I feel like Chris’ character could’ve been explored a little more. One way would be to highlight his internal struggle about Project Narcissus and make it more obvious, along with
his feelings towards his situation.

Professor Pineda is manipulative and is portrayed as someone who values technology more and wants it to take over the world. She may not be mentioned much, but her influence
throughout the story can be seen clearly. Or to me, at least.

It would be nice if the girls he goes out with, Valdez, Lucy and Professor Rubinowitz could also be touched on a little more. Right now, they seem a little one-dimensional with a few
exceptionas. Maybe another way to put this is that they have a lot of potential that hasn’t really been touched on yet.

Overall enjoyment: 5/5
I really enjoyed your story despite the minor errors. It made me think deeper and consider what dangers the future could hold. Your story showed me many new perspectives of various issues and themes.

I would definitely recommend this story to others.

Total: 90/100
The story was well written with many hidden meanings. Don’t be afraid to elaborate on certain events and explore more of your characters. Other than that, keep it up! I look forward to reading your future works!

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