Book: Hunted: Destructive Outbreak
Author: Mirabella_29
Reviewer: DHBurnside
Chapters read: 3
Ideas 4
Details and content 4
Organisation and closure 4
Introduction and closure 3
Voice 4
Word choice 4
Spelling 4
Analysis 4
Chapter 1: Part 1
The first paragraph starts in the middle of a scene which is great, but I think it could be better. ‘Hood pulled over her head’ could be moved until after ‘a shadow moved in the blackness…’ to grip the reader immediately.
The rest of the chapter flowed well. There was a good visual for the story, the reader was transparent. Her person was mentioned toward the end of the chapter and I’m sure you’re using foreshadowing here, but I think a little more explanation into who ‘her person’ is would benefit this. Did she miss them, were they a partner or a part of herself?
Chapter 1: part 2
The opening paragraph is so visual I loved it. In the second paragraph when she was whistling a song, it wouldn’t be unknown music to the whistler so I would suggest changing this to a song they didn’t recognise the song.
Just after naming ‘Milanca Robinson’ you broke the wall between the reader and author. I personally find this jarring, but I will leave my comment here for you to consider. It also reads like a fact rather than telling a story.
The simple stored notes she had left from her family would suggest she’s somehow using a different currency and it’s stored at a bank kind of like Gringotts from Harry Potter. If they are really her families, she wouldn’t have the exact notes they left but merely the ‘energy’ of the money if that makes sense.
The part where Martha transforms into a delivery of messages is pretty cool but I thought it would leave Milanca a bit more suspicious of her. I kind of understood it to be a bit of a dream or a hallucination but was it the first time it happened or is this something that happens more frequently?
Chapter 2: part 1
I know Milanca isn’t afraid of the dark or shadows but there is a part of her that considers being followed so I mean, would putting in headphones and blasting music really be wise for her?
I was a little confused by how Milanca went from being a waitress in a café to being a student at school. I think we need a little more context here because although it read very well it didn’t make a lot of sense.
Overall, this was a fantastic piece and I’m so curious to read more.
──────── ⋄ ☾∘☽ ⋄ ────────
Thank you for requesting a review from us. Do let us know what you think so that we can improve to better provide for authors like you.
YOU ARE READING
𝐅𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐍 | Review Shop
Random❝ 𝐅𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐧 ❞ ↳ Translated from Gaelic ↳ Fair with wisdom, bravery and a connection to the mystical and natural world Step into the enchanting realm of 𝐅𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐧 and immerse yourself in a world where mythical forests come to life. Unveil the sec...
