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Deals With The Devil [Dee]

Book: Deals With The Devil
Author: MythicEclipse
Reviewer: DHBurnside
Chapters read: 3

Prologue:
This was well-written and very exciting. It gripped me immediately. There is nothing I would change about it.

It’s very long for Wattpad though. Although this would work in a published novel, I do think shorter chapters do better. A lot was happening in the prologue and I think it needs to focus more on the twin with the devil. The start of it is good but it’s more like a chapter from the novel and we need to focus on the legends and her being captured only. I would suggest thinning it out.

Chapter one:
There was a lot of great world development in this chapter which was the perfect amount of showing the reader while also not information dumping. Good work.

I think referring to a love interest as a vendor was a little strange. I would potentially review this to make it sound less like a transaction.

Choi Yeojun’s description could be a lot better. Other than knowing his eyes are chocolate-coloured and he's a little older than the twins it doesn’t really say much else. It was here I noticed that there are no descriptions of the girls either. What do they look like?

I think we need a little more information about why the love interest needs to be chastity also. Why is this relevant to the Kingdom of Italy?

Chapter two:
If we are switching perspectives, we need that very clear at the start. Maybe rename the chapter to the other twin so there is no confusion between them.

When comparing the witches to the catholic church you described the church as an evil place of worship and then said the witches are also evil but it was confusing because you said it was feared not respected. Your description would imply the church wasn’t respected either. I’d review this and make it clearer.

The section about the book chapter calling the good book, a Good Book just doesn’t make sense and I think you can be more creative here in calling it something else. The love scene described could use a little girly blush like describing maybe how she thought of him while reading the chapter, etc.

I think the dream she had sounds important, why did you cut it out especially after Ha Eun has so many detailed questions?

Overall, this was a very engaging and fantastic piece of writing. I would suggest that just for Wattpad shorten the chapter lengths to about 1000 words - longer chapters work with published novels but to keep engagement shorter chapters tend to work better on Wattpad I have found.

I think it has a lot of potential and with some ironing out along with some story development it can go a long way.

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