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Not My Little Sister [Alba]

Book: Not My Little Sister
Author: lostlovefairy
Reviewer: oraclesighter
Chapters read: 19 (Including prologue and moodboard)

Title: 5/5
It’s a good title, certainly intriguing. At the start it may not be so clear as to why a romance story is titled this, but it starts to make sense the more you read through the story.

Cover: 5/5
The cover is well-made. It’s rather simple, but also high-quality with an appealing font and background image. It also hints on the story’s genre as the image suggests romantical body language between two characters.

Overall, it gives you an idea of what you’re in for when reading this book.

Blurb: 5/10
It’s creative for including a few dialogues and Vinaya’s goals as well as backstory to catch the reader’s attention. It also mentions the tropes you can expect to see, including the last line, serving to hook the audience in.

You did manage to deliver the main premise of the story, but it’s incredibly long and not as compelling as it could be.

It could have been done in a shorter and more “logline-like” manner.
An example: When Vinaya lands a spot in a prestigious medical residency program in New York, she thinks she’s finally free to pursue her dreams. But there’s one catch: she has to live with her brother’s friend, Nithin, who’s not the nerdy boy she remembers, but a handsome and ambitious engineer who's building his own company.

There are too many unnecessary details delivered that don't reveal anything new or specifically interesting, such as the line about Nithin sending a follow request to Vinaya’s Instagram, or including “The arrangement” line. It could have been more interesting, more intriguing.

We’re being offered too much information about the wrong thing. We need more emphasis on the main characters, the conflict – the actual plot.

There are so many opportunities you could have taken here to make a more impactful and gripping setting. I personally think it should have been more focused on the dynamic that Vinaya and Nithin have together, as well as how each of their careers clash into each other and how their families clash as well. The obstacles getting in the way of their goal, basically.

However, the last line was onto something. I, as the reader, need a hook to know why I should care about them moving in together. How will Nithin’s personality, lifestyle, and relationship he has with her family impact Vinaya? How will living together affect Vinaya’s lifestyle, or even her family? What are her opinions and feelings on the matter? This is what I mean. It could have been more focused on the consequences, the outcome of how this may go.

Plot: 20/20
It’s a very intriguing and exciting plot.

Throughout the story, I found myself immersed in each scene. I genuinely could not stop reading it, and I breezed through the story way quicker than I thought I would, which was less than a day.

You manage to make your scenes interesting and exciting. There’s always a conflict, something entertaining taking place, a reason to keep reading.

I also love that there was such a big cast of various different characters with different backgrounds, races, ethnicities, and personalities.

As well as for Vinaya, exploring topics like adaptation to a foreign country and going after your dreams. It’s a topic I don’t usually see much in fiction nowadays, and it was honestly really enjoyable to get to read about a character that has these ambitions.

I especially liked that in the recent chapters Nithin’s mother became a sort of obstacle and came in with a suggestion of an arranged meetup for Nithin.

That was an incredible move to make as an author. You know how to manage conflict and raise the stakes, making the story so much more interesting the further it goes. It is always interesting to witness rivalries or have things get between the characters and their goals. Endless kudos!

Mechanics: 20/20
Your writing is incredibly beautiful and easy to read through. There were no grammatical issues, nor any particular sentence structures that were written awkwardly or incorrectly.

In fact, the writing must have been one of the strongest elements in this story, as you manage to deliver the message of each action and dialogue clearly.

Hook: 5/10
I think the prologue does a better job of hooking the reader in than the blurb does, even if it’s the exact same text.

Here’s the difference: The blurb should work as a tool to hook the reader in quickly and efficiently, not taking too long to deliver your intended message or going into too much detail.
It is more appropriate for it to be a prologue than a blurb.

But then again, there isn’t as strong of a hook as there could be here. The plot is certainly a very interesting and unique storyline. I want you to show the audience why it’s so unique and what makes it different from other stories.
The main obstacle for Nithin and Vinaya is their loyalty to her brother. And even though this is the main idea, it’s not shown clearly in the prologue. The conflict isn’t there.

As I mentioned earlier, I’d suggest trying to be more straightforward and make sure the hook is strong and clear in the first few chapters (including blurb).

Word choice and author’s voice: 10/10
You have beautiful descriptions. Whether it’s describing emotions or materialistic objects, you know exactly which word to choose for each sentence and manage to create a flawless story with your writing.

Characters and character development: 8/10
The characters are well-developed, with both the main characters having different goals and personalities. They also have very similar backgrounds when it comes to culture and the aspect of being bullied, leading to closeness and relatability within their relationship.

Both are realistic when it comes to real life matters, such as tackling financial problems, relationship problems with others, family problems, and so much more. I also loved your take on including numerous issues people face day to day in real life, having written about it respectfully and realistically.

However, there were a few questionable actions that the protagonists made.

Vinaya can seem a bit contradictory in the way she behaves.
There’s a specific scene where Nithin goes in to kiss her and she experiences supposed fear/panic beforehand, but still kisses him, letting the “fear and excitement course through her.”

I’m not so sure what to feel when reading this. Should I be concerned or happy for her…? It feels like I’m watching someone getting harassed. Why use these words for this sensation?

I’d recommend using softer words, (unless you want me to be concerned for Vinaya) such as a synonym: Anticipation, suspense, nervousness, tension, etc. It just doesn’t feel right reading that a girl feels “scared” when she’s getting kissed by a man.

Overall enjoyment: 10/10
It was really fun to read this. I enjoyed the characters' journeys and all the conflicts arising. It’s a compelling story, full of action and drama. I will definitely be recommending this to a romance reader whenever they’re in need.

─⁠──⁠──⁠──⁠─ ⋄ ☾∘☽ ⋄ ─⁠──⁠──⁠──⁠─

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