A Time For Love (A Time For Love Series-Book 1)

Hard Nights Part I

NOTE: This chapter mentions self harm

This particular night seemed to be a rather challenging night for Bird, Stef, Lena and Mike for each one of them where dealing with their own set of issues that night.

Mike was doing well in terms of his recovery and was looking to be discharged from Lenox Hill right after the holidays. He would still receive PT and would be able to return to the NYPD, but only on desk duty.

On one hand he was relieved to be doing better, but on the other hand he wasn't happy about leaving his sister behind. That was the last thing he wanted to do for she was still very much in need of all the support she could get, even if he drove her nuts. Stef in his mind and in many others were still fragile, but he as well as Lena knew she was at risk for an assortment of issues ranging from PTSD, depression, suicidal thoughts, or possibly even attempting to take her own life.

Her TBI still made her very prone to aggression, chronic headaches, and not to mention the seizures that worried Mike even more. He wasn't sure when the memory of the shooting would return and he wasn't sure when Stef would remember who Tess really was to her. What if he wasn't there when she did? Should he tell her? But how would that affect her? She wasn't very open in therapy, that much he knew, so with him no longer potentially being there to check on her whenever he wanted, concerned him. And it concerned him big time.

Mike entrusted the staff with his sister, even if the ones who didn't care for her, made it even more of a challenge for him but he could see the progress she was making with Lena. And he also saw how much his sister loved little Bird. She seemed to bring alot of light into his sisters life and he at times would often watch their exchange when neither of them knew he was watching.

Bird was one of the few people who could make Stef smile, and he loved to watch his sister chat with her, watch the old basketball games with her and how she responded to Birds endless questions. It brought out his sister's personality and that alone was a source of comfort for him.

Lena, herself was having a difficult time for earlier that evening she had snuck down to see her uncle finally sneaking past the array of doctors and nurses by disguising herself as a surgeon and covering her mouth and hair with a mask and bonnet. What she saw, it was something she could never really prepare herself for.

Her uncle looked significantly different than the last time she had seen him which was only a short time ago and to Lena it was very fast how much the man had physically declined. Uncle Alvin had lost a tremendous amount of weight, he was frail, thin and his skin almost had no color to it at all causing him to look very washed out.  He was breathing with the support of oxygen and as Lena lay in her bed remembering how terrible he looked she couldn't stop crying. She couldn't as the only thing she wanted to remember was how he had treated her so much like his own daughter growing up and how much he loved her.

The night was now restless for her and she developed a terrible headache from crying so much. Lena wanted to be optimistic for her uncle, she wanted to pray his sickness away and get some type of answers but, she knew AIDS was a death sentence and she learned by reading her uncles chart that was clipped to this bed that the disease was no longer dormant. He was going to die.

It was devastating and Lena didn't know what to really do. She didn't but she knew she had to focus on her work, and she had to focus on getting ready to foster Bird. Lena couldn't afford to sink into any type of depression because patients were relying on her and so was that little girl. But she would feel her grief for years to come and one person she never expected to be in her corner and by her side would be.

Bird was also have a horrible night. She was having nightmare after nightmare about the shooting that just didn't seem to cease, and she continued to wake up in a panic only to find herself in her hospital room alone.

Being the little girl she was, Bird, had always been resourceful based on having to fend for herself for as long as she could remember. But these nightmares were difficult and it was hard to continue to see the same thing happening over and over again in her young mind. She too was in therapy much like Stef and Mike, but it had been hard to talk about the shooting and the loose of her mother. As she lay there not able to sleep she picked up the phone on her nightstand and called the one person room that she loved more than anyone.

Stef Foster was doing just as poorly as everyone else that night and she too much like Bird continued to dream about the shooting. It was different for her though because it was very fragmented and parts of it would plague her even while she was laying there being fully awake. The flashes were overwhelming and seeing herself ride up an elevator in her uniform of a run down apartment building. She could even feel her gun by her side, and the tenseness in her body. But the memories would flee just as quick as they came. Like Bird she was in therapy but there was a great deal that Stef was not admitting or even allowing herself to come to terms with.

She hated her life right now, but her injury didn't allow her to remember what her life was like prior. Only very, very rarely. The blonde knew her recovery was going to take months, if not years and if she thought too hard about it, much like she had done earlier when she was staring at the photo of her and Tess, thoughts of ending herself would begin to take over. But why not? Why shouldn't she just end her life? What life did she feel shed have being like this? What would she do? Could she ever live alone? Would she ever be a cop again? How would would be in the hospital and not be able to walk? When would this shit all stop? When?

The blonde adored little Bird, but at the same it scared her how much the little girl loved her. It scared the hell out of her that Bird really wanted to be with her, because Stef knew she'd never be able to take care of her. And that alone made her sad. But she was relieved that Lena would be fostering her and sometimes she did feel badly that she would snap at the woman.

Feeling tears run down her face, Stef felt tired. She was exhausted trying to remember the person she use to be. She was exhausted from all the help, all the appointments and all the unanswered questions. Life itself was exhausting especially the more she went on feeling like she was stuck in some hamster wheel unable to get off.

Moving her bed up a bit now and giving up on trying to sleep she grabs the cup off her tray and tries to bring it to her mouth. But, like always the grip she has on it is not strong enough as it spills onto the floor.

"Fuckin shit! Fuck! FUCKING forget it! Fuck this!" She pushes the tray to the ground in frustration as she rubs her forehead now. "Fuckin useless ass. What the fuck was the point of letting me live if I can't do shit! Like for what! FUCKING STUPID ASS! Unless as shit." 

Laying back down in frustration she stares at the ceiling now as her entire body hurts. Her mind hurts, her brain hurts , and everything swims around in her mind as the phone on her nightstand ring startling her. Usually only her brother Mike rang the phone so thinking it was him she ignored it and let it ring.

But tonight it seemed he wouldn't give up as it continued to ring as Stef angrily picks it up.

"What MIKE?!" 

"Stef?" She blonde suddenly hears a soft familiar voice as her tone changes instantly recognizing it was little Bird.

"Bird? What....what...are you okay? What's, what is wrong, baby?""

"I can't sleep. I keep having bad dreams. About the shooting." Stef can hear the little girls voice cracking on the phone and it doesn't go over her head that she is sniffling from most likely crying.

"I'll...I'll stay with you. Okay? I'll be right there. Give me a few minutes, okay sweetheart."

"Okay, Stef." Bird says as a wide smile forms on her face as she wipes her tears and patiently waits for the blonde.