A Time For Love (A Time For Love Series-Book 1)

Mirrors

STEF POV 

As I open my eyes, I can hear Lena and Bird's faint voices laughing from the kitchen. Earlier, I had felt Bird kiss my cheek when she woke up, and she had been sweet enough to cover me a bit with her sheet as I had tried to fall back asleep. But it was no use. No matter how comfortable Lena's apartment was, every time I closed my eyes, I was taken right back to the damn shooting.

It seemed Bird was having the same dream, which Lena and I both felt terrible about. That poor little girl had woken up screaming and begging for help in the middle of the night. Lena had gotten to her first, and I quickly followed behind as we both stayed with Bird the entire night.

Eventually, we had all fallen asleep, but I continued to have a very difficult time myself to stay asleep. Between dreaming about the shooting off and on and forgetting that I was no longer in the hospital, I probably slept about three hours. Maybe less.

Rubbing my forehead, I hear Bird's little laughter again as I carefully get up myself and slide into my wheelchair. I can see it is snowing yet again as I smile at the dusty white flurries, and I have a vision of throwing a snowball at Tess as she tosses one back at me. She smiles so wide at me as I run over to her and pick her up, swinging her around as I plant a kiss right on her lips.

Shacking my head from that memory, I wheel myself to the door but stop as I see myself in the full-length mirror behind Bird's door. This was something I had avoided at all costs at the hospital, and thankfully, they didn't have a full-length mirror like this. I had not even noticed it yesterday, but here it was, and here I was staring myself right back in the eyes. 

For months Mike had tried to get me to look at myself in the little hand held mirror and every time he did I'd smack the shit out of him and tell him to fuck off. Why? Because I knew I looked like hell, and I did not look like I did in those old photos of myself. I just knew it and seeing myself right this second is proof enough. 

I try to prevent the tears from falling down my cheek as they sting my eyes right now. I can't really make sense of what I look like, but it's nothing amazing at all. I feel rather hideous, I hate the sweatpants outfits I wear all the time, and my face looks tired and worn out. Thankfully my hair had grown back over the scar in my head where I had been shot, and it was now down to my shoulders, but it was there, the stitches were there when I would touch the spot and it was not something that I could ignore. 

It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I had a bullet hole in my head, and that I had one in my arm, torso and leg. I was not a whiney, complaining baby, but to me, I was horrifying looking and I didn't understand how Bird wasn't afraid of me, or how she could love someone that looked like me.

Lifting my sweat shirt up a bit I stare at the bullet wound in my stomach and the one on my arm. These would never go away, they were permanent much like the ones Bird had on her legs too and her arm. I had affectionally kissed the one on her arm, telling her she had nothing to be embarrassed about but, I didn't feel the same about myself. I saw them as a disfigurement, and a constant reminder of what happened that night. 

Pulling my shirt down I realize that Lena will need to help me shower today, and that was not something I was looking forward to. Talk about mortifying, because it was one thing when the nurses had to help me in the hospital which I couldn't stand either, but this was...this was Lena. And Lena was, she was different. She..she was my friend, and now I was living with her raising Bird together. And the thought of her seeing me naked, plus the ugly ass bullet wounds, just made me feel even more vulnerable.

I trusted Lena a great deal, obviously. But, it didn't mean I wasn't embarrassed by her seeing me completely naked and everything else she'd need to see. A nurse was going to come to help me, sure, but...well..I don't know why I felt so awkward having Lena see me. I guess because, well I guess because she was my friend.

Maybe I'd just take those damn photos down in my room that were nothing but a constant reminder of a person I did not remember as I hear more laughing and decide to head out to the kitchen. It was enough of the pity party about myself as I place my glasses on that I left on Birds dresser, and open the door wheeling myself into the kitchen.

I am hit instantly with the wonderful smell of coffee, bacon and what I believe to be pancakes as I see Bird and Lena looking out the giant windows as more snow falls to the ground.

"Hi Stef!" Bird says turning around as I smile widely at her cute face. This little one was such a site for sore eyes as she slowly makes her way over to me, and I am so proud of how far she's come in her walking. If it was one person that motivated me, it was her and I knew I had no choice but to get my ass in gear.

"Hi...Hi...sweets. Good...good walking."

"Lena said she wants me to use the walker in the house to help. And that it will make me stronger for when I go to school and stuff." She says warmly hugging me now and kissing my cheek as I gently grab her hand and hold it.

"Le....Le..Lena is right, baby. And...and you walk so good. You....you just keep listening to her and you...you will go so far in life. We...we promise." I say glancing up at Lena and winking at her as she softly smiles at me. 

"I will listen, I promise. And we made you coffee and pancakes and bacon. Right, Lena?!" She says turning to face her.

"We did honey. Did you want some coffee, Stef? Something to eat?"

"Sure..sure that..that sounds good. And... and I see more snow. I don't remember New York ever snowing this much."

"Yes, it's so cool! You can sit next to me, Mama, when we eat. We set the table already, too!" Bird beams as I can't help but smile at her again, but part of me wonders how this little girl loves me. I was even wondering how Lena could stand to look at me as we all sit around her beautiful kitchen table as Bird places a straw in my coffee mug.

"It's not too hot, Mama. We let it sit for a bit so that it didn't burn you with the straw."

"Thank, thank you, baby girl. The food..the food looks good, Lena. Thank you. Thank you both for making it."

"Of course, it's never a problem, Stef. Bird and I also made hot chocolate if you like?" She asks, setting the syrup down and taking her own seat.

"No..maybe... maybe later. Just the coffee is good..is good for now."

I watch Bird sweetly cut my pancakes as my eyes meet Lena's who smiles at me, and I blush. 

"Lena....Lena is going to help me learn how to cut baby. Then... then I can do it myself. That..that will be cool, right?"

"Yes. But I can help you in the meantime, Mama. When will you teach her Lena?"

"Well, I can show your Mama every day. There's tricks to everything, and we can work on her arms and legs and overall strength. I'm going to help her get better, honey. I promised her and you and Mike."

"I know you will, Lena. You are awesome, and thanks for letting us live here. I love it so much already." Bird grins as Lena leans in and kisses her forehead.

"You are so welcome, honey. We wouldn't have it any other way." We both smile at Bird as she grins back widely at the two of us.

"Now...now..let's eat this food. We.. we don't want it getting cold." I say as we all dig in and find ourselves chatting together very easily, and fortunately the feelings I had about myself when I took that long hard look at myself in the mirror fade for a bit, and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for many things, especially this little family I now had, even if I felt like I looked like a monster.