A Time For Love (A Time For Love Series-Book 1)

Thanksgiving Morning

STEF POV

"Mind if I come in?" I hear seeing my brother in the doorway of my room as the nurse gives me my early morning medication. Rolling my eyes, I neglect to respond to him as I take a small sip of water seeing Mike walk over to me and take a seat beside my wheelchair as I turn to glare at him hard. 

"What..what do you want?" I scowl as the nurse leaves, and I continue to look hard at my brother as his face softens a bit. "I told you..told you to get the fuck out yesterday. I meant it."

"Sis, I'm on your side. I am. When are you gonna get it that I love you? That I love you more then anything in this world and I always have. Don't you understand that? Don't you understand I want the best for you, and I will do anything to help with that? Anything in this world. Even if you don't want me to be a cop again, I'll quit the force. I will."

"Don't be stupid. Why would you..why would you do that?! That's so damn dumb. Just because I can't be a cop again doesn't mean you can't." I roll my eyes at his stupidity again as he shakes his head.

"Stef, you don't know that. Okay? You don't. And I'd give up this career because I love you. And more importantly, you're my sister and my only family.  I don't know how hard it is for you, Stef. I can't even imagine, but I care about you. I'd do anything for you. Anything. Lena and I are getting you a new therapist, and she's going to help more with OT until we find someone else for you. We are also going to take you outside daily and get you discharged from here when I get discharged. We will figure it out."

"I'm not leaving until Bird is discharged...and..and living with Lena, get it? So don't even fucking try it. I won't leave her in here alone." I say as he places his hand on mine and I continue to sharply glare at him not even realizing what I have just said. Apparently I was very devoted to this little girl and just wanted her to have a better life.

"Stef, you don't need to worry about that. We wouldn't do that. But, I want you to know how committed I am, and honestly, this shouldn't have been you. I'd do anything for this to be me and not you. Anything. It kills me as your older brother, and the reality is I was supposed to protect you, baby sis. And I'm sorry I didn't."

"Mike, I went...I went myself. I went. I didn't wait for backup because I....Bird was in trouble." I say as a memory flashes in my head of going up the elevator again and being drenched from rain. It's the same one I keep having as I rub my forehead trying to push it out of my mind and brain.

"Stef, what do you remember? I can see you do. What is it? Come on talk to me." Mike says as I continue to see myself in the elevator and getting out into a hallway. But, Bird runs past me and into a stairwell as I run after her calling her name, and once again, I'm outside in the pouring rain."Stef?"

"It's mixed up, Mike. It's mixed up in my head, and I can't make a lot of sense out of it. I wish I could."

"That's okay. Just talk to me. Tell me anything, sis. It's alright." He soothes as I feel his hand in mine, and I look right into his eyes wishing it wasn't like this. I wished life was somewhat normal for me but I couldn't dwell in my feelings like this. But, it was hard. It was hard not to because I felt so stuck and like I was on a daily hamster wheel. There had to be more to life then this. There had to be more to life then this daily depression I was feeling, and I wish I knew how to talk about it. I wish I knew how to talk about all the darkness that was taking over my brain, but I felt if I did it might over power me then it already is. I wanted to ignore it all, as I look back at my brother as he rubs my hand and I try to hard not to cry AGAIN. I had done enough of that crap with Lena yesterday.

"Just me in an apartment building. Soaking wet. I always get off the same elevator into a hallway, and Bird runs past me into a stairwell. I can never catch her. I don't know. Look, I...I don't want to talk about it now. Okay? I just...please." I nearly beg as he rubs my hand and all of it just makes my chest continue to burn.

"That's okay. Let's enjoy the holiday, okay? We don't need to get into this deep stuff today."

"Yeah." I say as he leans in now kissing my cheek, and as he pulls away, I smile at him and squeeze his hand.

"Don't, don't not be a cop because of this. Don't. And, I wouldn't want this to happen to you. Okay? I... I know you protected me. Our...our job was to protect. Don't blame yourself, Mike. I do love you. I know I'm a pain in the ass and mostly everyone in this hospital hates me. I just... I get tired of this. I see that person on the wall or in that photo. It's like looking at a stranger. I see Tess, and that's all it is. A photo. I don't get why I remember you and some of Bird, but nothing of her. None of my feelings or our time together. Like it was wiped away out of existence."

"It's still in there. And, maybe your brain right now is protecting you from remembering everything all at once. It would almost be like an overload. And that would be too much to handle, sis.  You aren't that much different. I know that's frustrating to hear since you don't remember, but you aren't. I see Stef every day.  Listen, honey, it's gonna come back to you. You, you loved her, and she loved you. But like I said, maybe your brain isn't ready yet to let you remember that. Give it time. Okay?"

"Okay." I nod as he brings my hand to his mouth and softly kisses it.

"Good. Now, let's get some cinnamon buns, bagels, and hot chocolate. That's what we used to do every Thanksgiving morning." I smile, and he leans in kissing my forehead. "Love you, sis."

"Love you too." I say as I look towards the doorway, seeing Bird in her wheelchair as Lena pushes her into my room.

"Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I'm ready for my hot coco!" She says as we all laugh, and I feel maybe today will be okay as I  reach my arm out to Bird, and she snuggles into my side.

"Happy Thanksgiving, baby girl. Let's make it a good one, okay?"

"Okay." She grins wide at me as I wink at her, kissing the top of her head. I was hoping to make her day special, regardless of my issues, that would continue to plague me longer than I could ever imagine.