Shadow Butcher (LokixAvengersxOC)

It's been a long, long time

On the day Loki left me alone outside of the Compound, silent tears streamed down my face until my eyes dried out. I've seen the sun go down and rise twice while I just sat on the grass cuddling my knees and my chin prospered on them.

If it weren't for Bucky, I'd still be sitting in nature regardless of whether it rains or not. He tried to talk to me, to convince me to get at least inside, away from the wetness and cold, but I didn't care to even respond verbally or physically. With a sigh, he knelt before me, yet, I zoned out and ignored him. Even then, when he picked me up and carried me inside my room in the new building.

Furthermore, a few days passed and I just sat on the edge of my bed staring at the shut door that sometimes opened different people came to check up on me but Loki never came.

After a week, I found the strength to lock my door with my shadow manipulation. That's when I realized I needed time alone. To think and to mourn a child that never existed.

Whenever hope came up that maybe one day Loki would forgive me, it quickly destroyed my mood again. It broke me into a million pieces that he wanted to keep the child, that he's looking forward to our future family and I just cut the joy out of our lives.

As soon as Bucky noticed I locked the door, he stopped trying to convince me to get out of the room. Still, sometimes Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Pietro, and Sam knocked on the door and asked me if I was okay, or if I was hungry and thirsty. One time Tony came to check in and even Thor. However, the answer stayed always the same. Nothing.

Yes, I was starving and thirsty and felt dirty, but if I had eaten, drank, or showered, I'd think I wouldn't have deserved it. So I started to starve myself, and the hunger notified me, that this was what I deserved.

Weeks have passed for sure by now. I can't tell since I've lost the sense of time. For all I know, my bones and muscles feel sore from never moving my body. To be honest, if I'm not weak from my mental state, by now I'd be weak from the lack of nutrition I fed myself.

Although I wasn't all too happy when Vision phased without warning into my room, he shoved the pancake into my mouth and forced me to swallow. It was only one piece that I ate before I opened a portal to the outside and pushed him with the shadows out.

Due to the lack of having something in my stomach, it started to ache but again, I told myself I deserved it. I didn't feel well for a long, long time but that's just karma for what I've done with my child and hurt Loki with it.

I hurt my Loki.

After another week, my body started to tremble and I felt cold. With the blanket snuggled up, I hid my face in my knees since I felt myself drifting away sometimes. My body signals me to sleep, after all, I didn't close my eyes even once for months after I woke up from my coma.

A soft knock woke me up from my short nap. My neck cracked when I looked up and waited for whoever it was to get away just like any other time. But this time, it was a voice I hadn't expected at all.

"Shadow. Will you let me in?"

My whole body tenses up, overwhelmed by not knowing how to respond. My brain went into override by searching for the certain drawer to find the right move. My heart pleads for my brain to function, telling my tongue to form some syllables so Loki could come in. But no sound came from my throat I only gulped nervously.

I hear him sigh from the other side of the door, "Darling, can we please converse?"

Tears form in my eyes again. I try to blink them away. It was just so wonderful to hear his voice again but at the same time, I was frightened that he just wanted to have this conversation with me because he wanted to end it. If our relationship ends, it will end slowly.